Zeke the Zebra

Lately Zeke has been struggling with being himself.  I see him come home and he acts like the other boys in his class.  One day he was stuttering because a boy at school stutters a little.  One day he was using a phrase that one of the boys in his class uses all the time.  It seems like he is constantly coming home with something that is not him!  He has a lot of boys in his class and some of them have very strong personalities!  Sometimes it is hard to find your place and know that it is okay to just be you.  We have had several talks with him, expressing our love for HIM and telling him how much we missed him when he was trying to be some one else.  We told him all the things about him that we loved and that we hope he will be able to find himself again. 

His word he picked out for this year is truth.  We talked about how that word can also me being true to yourself - finding out who you are, being who you want to be and doing what you want to do because it is what YOU like, not some one else.  Zeke is a very smart boy and has a very deep understanding of things like this.  After our talks he would go back to being Zeke but then after a few days he would find another person to try out for a while.

Now, I know this may not seem like a big deal, after all, kids are always copying each other. but for some reason it bothered me.  I wanted him to be comfortable being him.  I wanted him to know he was perfect just the way he was.  I wanted him to know that he didn't have to become some one else to be accepted.  I struggled with how to help him see this.

Then, the other day I was at Hallmark (yes, this will be a Hallmark moment) and I saw this stuffed Zebra.  It had a book attached to it called "Just Be You!"  Under the title it says, "Your heart beats true when you're busy being you." 

Zeke loves zebras and this little book was about him!  It tells about a little Zebra who only had black and white stripes. Everyone around him had black and white stripes too but they also had one stripe that was a different color and some were even different patterns like zigzag or swirly instead of just straight.  He didn't know why he didn't have one but he knew he really wanted one.  He decided that he would start acting like everyone else so he could get a stripe like theirs.  He tried being all sorts of people but the stripe never came.  His dad noticed something was wrong so Zebra told him that he wanted a stripe just like his.  His dad said that he didn't want a stripe like his, he wanted one of his own.  One that was magnificent and bright and bold just like Zebra was!  His dad told him that the only way he could get one like that was to be himself.  Zebra realized that he loved being himself and had a lot more fun when he was himself.  In fact he got so busy being him that he forgot about his stripe.  Then one day he passed by the mirror and saw that he had a bright red stripe!  It was bright and bold and magnificent just like him!

I got the book.  Yesterday was a snow day so I sat Zeke down and gave him the zebra while I read him the story.  Then we talked about what it meant. I showed him the pictures and asked if Zebra looked happy when he was trying to be everyone else.  He didn't.  I asked him how he looked when he was being himself.  He was happy.  He was magnificent.  He was bright.  He was bold.  I told him that he was the Zebra.  He was smart and funny and nice and helpful.  He was bright, bold and magnificent too.  I told him that whenever he thinks he needs to be some one else to remember Zeke the Zebra and be himself!

He carried that zebra around all day yesterday.  When Michael got home he told him about the zebra and why he had a red stripe around his belly and what it meant.  I don't know if it will really help him or not.  I hope it does.  I hope he learns that he is the best he can be.  That he was made a certain way with certain abilities and talents and that he is best when he is himself!  I hope all of my kids learn that.  I hope someday I will learn that :)  It makes life so much better when we can just be ourselves!

St. Patrick's Day Treasure Hunt

For years now we have done a treasure hunt on St. Patrick's Day.  I started it when the kids were little - probably when Maddi was in kindergarten.  We had never done anything before except wear green but for some reason that year they were really excited about it and seemed to think that something really cool happened on that day.  So, I decided I might should do a little something so they were not disappointed.  We started the treasure hunt.  Not just any hunt though.  First the kids have to go outside and call the leprechauns (they thought this was really fun when they were little.  Now not so much but they did it!)  Then they have to go hide somewhere inside the house (all together) where there are not any windows to see outside.  While they are hiding the leprechauns come and leave hidden treasures in the yard (if there is not snow) and the house.  Then there are clues for the kids to follow and find the treasures.  Sometimes they have each had to find their own bag of treasures.  Sometimes they all have to work together and find all the colors of the rainbows.  Sometimes there is just one big treasure at the end of all the clues. 

Last night they had to follow the rainbow to find the pot of gold.  Olivia read first clue and off they ran to find a red treasure.

 

Then they went on down through the colors of the rainbow.  Each one reading a clue.

 

Once they found all the clues and had them lined up on the table in order they had to go back and hide and the leprechauns brought their pot of gold to put at the end of the rainbow.

 

 It's silly, yes and the kids are older so they don't believe in leprechauns like they used to, but they still look forward to it every year.  I love these little traditions.  Memories are made doing the little things in life.





A Big Day in My Heart

Today is a big day in my heart.  Today I celebrate my sister Katie's birthday.  I have blogged about her before.  She passed away when she was two.  I never had the opportunity to meet her in this life but I know I knew her.  She has always been a very important person in my life.  I remember when I was younger, I had a picture of her on my wall.  She was beautiful.  I remember sitting and staring at her picture, wishing she were there.  I remember when I was mad at my older brothers for being mean I would go into my room and look at her picture and talk to her.  I would tell her how I wish she were there to be my friend and stick up for me when my brothers were mean.  She just always seemed close and it just seemed like a natural thing to do.  I would talk to her and I always felt like she was there listening.  She would be 44 today.  I look forward to the day when I do get to meet her again. 

Isn't she beautiful?

 



Today is also the day that my grandpa passed away, the one I blogged about a few weeks ago.  I didn't get to go to his funeral and I didn't get to see him before he passed away.  I do have many fond memories of him though.

This is the last picture I have of Grandpa.  We went down to Nashville for a family reunion.  He died the next year.  I am thankful I was able to be there for the reunion and that my kids were all able to meet him and spend time with him.

 

I can't help but think he and Katie are together watching down on us.  I am so thankful that families can be together forever.  I am so thankful for the knowledge that this life does not end the relationships that we have and cherish, that what we build here continues into eternity.  I am thankful for a little girl who came to this earth for a short time and left such an impact on so many.  I am thankful for a grandpa that loved me.  Happy Birthday Katie!  I love you Grandpa!

Sing, Sing, Sing

Over the last month or so, I have had the opportunity to go to four different concerts that Maddi and Makenna have been involved in.  The first one was an all state elementary honors choir that Makenna tried out for and made.  There were over 700 students that tried out for it and only 170 made it.  She was the only one from Deubrook to make it this year.  It was a big honor for her and she was very excited when she made it!  It was done in Brookings at the college.  They did an amazing job and it was so fun to go and watch!  Here are a few pictures from that day:

 Waiting for it to start

 The whole group

Singing and dancing :)

 

The second opportunity was another honors choir.  This time it was a regional one done in Beresford, SD.  It was grades 4-6.  Makenna made it into this one as well along with some of her other schoolmates.  It was another wonderful concert!

 Waiting for it to start

 The whole group

 Second one in on the top :)

She also got a speaking part for one of the songs.

 

The third event was Pop, Popcorn and Jazz night at the school.  The Jr. High girls chorus got to join the high school girls chorus and sing a song.  It was a fun night.  We got to listen to the chorus and the band while we ate popcorn and drank pop!  It was a fun night.  Unfortunately I did not have my camera with me so I got zero pictures of it.  Next year...

 

The fourth event was Festival of Young Voices.  Maddi was able to go with some of the kids in her JH chorus.  It was also done at the college in Brookings.  They too gave a wonderful performance.  It amazes me with all of these choirs that they are able to pull such an amazing concert off after only being together for one day!  There were almost 200 kids that sang at the Festival of Young Voices from about 12 schools from the area.  Here are a few pictures from that:

 Waiting for it to start

 The whole group

 The girls sang Shenandoah by themselves.

Listening to the director talk.

 

It has been fun getting to watch the girls and their schoolmates perform.  They have all done an excellent job.  I am thankful for the opportunities they have had to participate in these things and many others.  They have been involved in so much since we have been at Deubrook.  The younger kids get to work on the school newspaper at the elementary school - Makenna even gets to be one of the editors :)  She is also on the student council for the second year.  Maddi is in FCA and is involved in sports.  She is also on the set crew for the high school play.  They have won awards and excelled in areas that sometimes surprise me!  Their teachers and administrators encourage and support the kids on all levels.  They come to their sporting events to cheer them on (even on the weekends).  They attend their concert.  My children have even come home with notes from their teachers telling them they are proud of them and their accomplishments.  They are getting opportunities that they would not have had elsewhere and I am very grateful for that.  Our next big production will be the spring concerts!  I have had a sneak preview of some of it and it will be another fun event!







Fly Eagle, Fly

The other day I was subbing in 3rd grade.  After lunch that day we were reading an African folk tale called "Fly Eagle, Fly."  It was about a man who found a baby eagle that had been blown from its nest during a storm.  He took the baby eagle home and raised it with his chickens.  As a result the eagle grew up thinking it was a chicken.  One day one of his friends came over and saw the eagle.  He said that the eagle belonged in the sky not on the ground.  The man informed his friend that he was a chicken not an eagle.  The friend did not believe him and made several attempts to help the eagle fly like it was supposed to.  However, each time, the eagle would just flutter back down and start pecking with the chickens.  The friend then came early one morning to the man's house and told him to grab the eagle and follow him.  The friend carried the eagle back to where the man had originally found the it up in the mountains.  There, on the edge of the cliff, they waited for the sun to come up.  As the sun began to rise over the mountains, the friend held the eagle up as he had before and told the eagle to fly.  The eagle spread it's wings and as the warm sun hit him and the wind came up under his wings, the eagle floated off up into the sky never to return to the ground again. 

After we read the story we talked about the lesson that could be learned from it.  Some of the kids mentioned that if you are treated a certain way then that is how you become.  Others mentioned that if you believe something you should keep trying.  I decided to add to their answers. 

Earlier in the day, there had been some squabbles going on.  Some kids were being left out, some were not being very nice, etc.  There had been a lot of tattling and hurt feelings on all sides.  So, I told them about one of my brothers, who growing up had not been the nicest person in the world to me (he has since apologized and all is well between us).  Every day he would call me ugly and dumb along with other things.  I told the kids that this is what I heard every day.  Then I asked them what they thought I believed after a few years of hearing this.  One little girl raised her hand and said, "That you were dumb and ugly."  I told her she was absolutely right!  I did believe those things!  I explained to them that if we hear negative things about ourselves all the time we start to believe those things.  I told them if we hear positive things about ourselves every day then we believe the positive things.  I pointed out that how we treat each other can have a big impact on how we feel about ourselves so we need to be really careful how we treat each other and we need to make sure that we treat each other with kindness.  Some of them really got it.  However, there was one hand in the back that went up.  I called on him and he asked, "Did he say you were fat too?"

Ouch!  Some were shocked that he said that.  I did my best to ignore it.  I told him no (even though he had called me fat) and we moved on.  It stung though, I must admit.  I am very aware of my weight and my lack of thinness right now.  Children can be brutally honest sometimes and this was one of those times.  Last fall I wrote a post called, "It didn't work for her."  Same class, different kid, same sting.

I came home that day a little sad.  There are times when I wish so much that people could see beyond the outside of me, of others, and see who we really are!  I am not my weight!  I know I have posted about this before but I feel so strongly about it.  I think part of it is because I have three daughters and three sons that are going to grow up and also face this, whether it is weight or brand of clothes or type of car or athletic ability or what ever.  It comes in so many forms.

I am a mother of six beautiful, healthy children.  My body carried those babies, protected them and gave birth to them.  In between child five and six, I had a miscarriage.  For some reason, my body was not able to carry that child.  My heart hurt for quite a while after that but it healed along with my body.  My body was able to care for all my babies day after day and night after night.  My body was able to hold them when they needed held, to carry them when they were too tired to carry themselves, to rock them to sleep and comfort them when they were sick or frightened or hurt.  My body is able to run and play with my children, to go on bike rides and walks and picnics in the park.  My body is strong.  I have packed up boxes, loaded up trucks and moved across country with this body.  I have run 5ks and 10ks with this body. I have cheered my kids on from the sidelines and helped coach them with this body.  I have run along beside them when they are tired and ready to give up.  I have climbed mountains with this body and rolled down hills in the summer grass.  I have walked the streets of Ireland with this body, sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ to all who would listen.  This body, that others call fat, has done more than most people will ever know.  It has stood strong when faced with challenges.  It has slumped and shaken during times of sadness and despair.  It has endured through challenge after challenge.  It has scars that tell stories about where it has been and what it has done. 

We are all different.  We come in all shapes and sizes.  We all have different abilities and interests.  We are all unique individuals with so much to share and contribute to the world.  However, when we are taught to be chickens instead of eagles, we can not do what we were meant to do.  It took me years to realize I was not dumb and ugly.  I went for years too scared to speak up and share my thoughts and ideas and myself with those around me.  I was too afraid because I knew I was dumb and ugly.  It affected me in so many ways.  There are still days I struggle with it.  Even after I have learned to fly like the eagle, there are still days I look down at the chickens and second guess myself.  It is hard sometimes to not revert back to that.  A question as simple as, "Did he say you were fat too?" can knock me out of the sky if I am not careful.  But, just as the eagle in the story, I have been able to look to the Son to find out who I really am.

Through His warmth and light I have been able to spread my wings and fly.  Yes, there are days I falter, but I know I can always turn to Him and find strength.  I know that His Spirit can always lift we and allow me to soar. 

My hope is that I can teach my children to fly like the eagle.  That they will have the knowledge they need of who they are, so that when some one does question their ability to fly, they will be able to just soar higher and overcome it.  I hope I can surround them with enough love and confidence that they will never look down at the chicken and second guess themselves, that the words people use to hurt each other - like dumb and ugly and fat - won't break them and cause them to fall.  I hope that as they look to the Son, that His rays will warm them and His Spirit will lift them up and help them fly high above the hurt that can come through judging and name calling.

Once again, I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Simple life lessons learned in the third grade classroom.  Simple reminders that I am not alone and that He is aware of me.  Fly Eagle, Fly.

A Little Sentimental

This week my feelings have been a little tender.  The week started out with my grandpa's birthday.  I posted about that already.  During the week I seemed to keep coming across pictures of him and my kids.  Some I posted on Facebook.  Each picture brought back so many memories.  The smells, the sounds, the sights, my mind has just been flooded with them this week.  It has been fun thinking back on so many good times.  It has also been sad of course. 

Today was another moment.  When I was pregnant with Zane my Granny Branch died.  It was really hard for me. I hadn't seen her for a few years.  I always planned on going out to see her (she lived in Tennessee and I lived in Idaho) but it just never happened.  I wanted her to meet my kids.  She saw pictures and always talked about how cute they were and how she wanted to see them but money was tight, I was pregnant and it didn't ever come together.  Then she was gone.  At the same time Michael's Grandma Hyde passed away.  Her funeral was going to be there in Idaho and all his family came.  Michael told me I could go to my granny's funeral if I wanted to but I didn't think it was the right thing for me to do so I stayed.  It was hard but I was thankful to be surrounded by his family. 

After her funeral everyone came to our house to go through a treasure box that his grandma had saved for the kids and grandkids.  It was fun to listen to the memories they shared, but it also added to some of the loneliness and sadness I was feeling.  Later that day Michael's sister had a ring that she had picked out that belonged to Michael's grandma.  For some reason she decided she didn't want it and wanted to know if I did.  I said yes and I wore it every day from then on.  It connected me.  It connected me to them but it also (in some way in my mind) connected me to what I missed out with my own Granny's funeral.  I guess the fact that it all happened at the same time on the same day my mind made that connection.  Even though it belonged to his grandma and it reminds me of her, it also reminds me of my grandma. 

When I got pregnant with Olivia my fingers got swollen and fat from the weight I gained so I had to take the ring off.  I was sad and hoped that as soon as the pregnancy was over I could wear it again.  Well, unfortunately that didn't happen.  Since that pregnancy my body has been struggling and I have not been able to lose that weight.  Off and on I would try to put the ring on only to have to put it back away because it still didn't fit.  Well, today I finally got it on!

I wore it with pride today!  Pride from the road I had chosen to take to finally get to this point. I also wore it with gratitude.  Gratitude to Stacey for giving it to me for some reason and allowing me to have something that reminds me of two wonderful women.  I also wore it with reverence.  Reverence for the two women that it represents.  Today I felt close to them and they were both very much in the forefront of my mind.  In between band lessons and music classes I was able to remember them and have them in my heart adding to the emotions I was already feeling. 

 

I am thankful for these earthly reminders that I have of such wonderful people.  I am thankful for the memories I have of them and for the choices that they made.  Their choices have affected how my life is in so many ways.  I am also thankful for the knowledge I have of life eternal.  I am so thankful to know that these loved ones are not gone from me forever.  I will see them again and be with them again.  One of the greatest pieces of knowledge that I have is that families can be together forever.  That knowledge brings me comfort and hope when I am sad and missing them.

A Clean Dresser, A Broken Toilet, Lessons Learned

Sometimes life is great and we move along on cruise control without thinking about the curvy road that we are travelling.  Sometimes those curves jump out at us, cause us to step on the breaks and pay attention to the road.  Life is a learning process.  That is why we came here.  We needed to learn.  We needed to show our Heavenly Father that we could make good choices and follow Him even when it was hard, even when the curves were sharp, the deer were out and the fog had settled in.  Lessons come in all shapes and sizes and they do not discriminate!  This last week we have learned some lessons.

One child was asked to clean off her dresser and shelves so that they looked nice and neat.  She informed me that she didn't want to.  This was after she had informed me that she didn't want to do the dishes, clean her room, walk the dogs or anything else for that matter!  So I grabbed a bag and Michael and away we went.  I cleaned off her dresser, her shelves and her floor.  It all fit very nicely into a garbage bag.  Of course she was upset and crying at me to stop.  I told her that I was just helping her.  She did not want to do it so I did it for her.  That didn't go over well :)  I told her when she was ready to calm down and listen, I would let her know what she needed to do to get her things back.  Well, the day came and went and she never asked.  She did ask for her things back and she did ask for a cookie since her room was clean (that was the bribe for the day).  I told her she didn't get her things back until she earned them (she didn't want to know how to do that) and that she didn't get a cookie because I was the one who cleaned her room! 

Now, some of you may think this is harsh and for some kids it would be.  However, for this particular child, it is not!  This particular child likes to push limits, talk back, and argue.  She has been warned of consequences for such actions (garbage bag full of belongings) and knew that if she continued to refuse this is what would happen. 

This brought several lessons.  One:  Obedience allows you to keep your stuff! Two: Mom will follow through!  (For mom make sure the consequences you set in place you will be able to follow through with.)  Three:  It requires humility to get things back on track.  Once she has calmed down, she knows what she has done is wrong.  She usually becomes very helpful (her way of saying sorry) and humble as she asks what she needs to do.

Lesson for me?  How many times do I make the same mistake over and over again just like she does?  How many times do I get mad at myself and say I will never do that again and then the next thing you know, there I am - doing it?  All.The.Time.  How many times do I have to humble myself, ask for forgiveness and then ask what I need to do to make things right?  How many times does my Heavenly Father forgive me and help me to get back on track?  Every time.  His love is unconditional.  His patience is never ending.  I constantly have a bag of stuff that He has had to come and clean off my dresser because I refuse to do it.  Maybe I'm tired or maybe it's not fair or maybe some one made me mad or maybe I just don't want to do it!  The reason doesn't really matter. It all leads to the same consequence - cleaning. 

Another child was innocently playing hide-and-seek in the school.  We were there for a basketball game.  The kids who weren't playing ball were out in the lunchroom playing.  We checked on them several times and all seemed ok.  I did not know there was an intense game of hide-and-seek going on! This child decided to hide in the bathroom.  Well, there aren't many hiding places in there.  He decided on a stall but he didn't want anyone to see his feet underneath the door so he stood on the toilet seat.  Well, that was slippery and he was afraid his feet would fall in so he stood on the back of the toilet.  Problem solved and he had en excellent hiding place!  Then the back of the toilet cracked and a chunk fell off one of the corners (his words).  As I said earlier, I had no clue all of this was going on.  The game ended, we left and nothing was ever said.

That night before he went to bed he asked if he could talk to me.  My first thought?  Now what?!  First thing out of his mouth - How much does a new toilet cost?  Huh?!  He took a deep breath and told us the story.  Now for this particular child to do this was HUGE!  He does not like to get in trouble and he has been known to tell a lie or two (or not say anything at all) to try to get out of trouble.  So the fact that he came to me with no prompting and told me when no one would have ever known it was him was big stuff.  While I was upset over the broken toilet, I was very proud of him for stepping up and letting us know.  We told him he would have to tell the principal what he did and that he (if required) would have to use his money to get a new lid for the back.  He talked to the principal this morning and he is waiting word on what his exact consequence will be.

Lessons learned?  One:  Rules have to be kept even during off hours.  Just because school was not in session didn't mean that the rules were void.  We teach our kids it is the same with church.  Even if we are there for Wednesday night activities, it is still a church and we have to behave respectfully and reverently.  Two:  You feel much better when you tell the truth.  It was hard for him to come out and say it but I could see the relief on his face when he was done and he felt so much better.  Three:  You don't get in as much trouble if you tell the truth!  There are still consequences of course, but they are different.  Because he told the truth, we were able to praise and thank him for that.  Before, he would  be in trouble for the action and then even more trouble for the lie.

Lesson for me?  I actually learned several things.  One:  My kids are listening :)  Some days I wonder and I worry.  Am I doing a good enough job?  Are they understanding and see the importance of what we are saying?  Are things really sinking in?  Times like this let me know that they are and it gives me hope that they will continue making good choices.  Two: Softness.  I was frustrated with the fact that he broke the toilet, but using softness helped the situation be better.  If I would have yelled and gotten mad, he would have gone to bed feeling worse and it would not have helped him see that honesty really is best.  He would have regretted saying anything and then next time he wouldn't have.  But using softness and thanking him for telling me lifted him and it lifted me too.  Three:  Forgive and Forget.  After he told me, we let it go.  He knew his consequence would come from the school.  We did not keep reminding him of his mistake and rubbing it in his face. That never does any good.

Heavenly Father, through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, has given us the wonderful gift of repentance.  We all make mistakes.  There have been many times that I have had to ask Heavenly Father if I could talk to Him before I went to bed.  There have been many times that I have had to ask Him "How much does a toilet cost?"  Repentance allows me to put my mistakes behind me, to forgive myself and others and to forget - not forget the lesson learned, but let the mistake go and not allow it to be a part of me anymore.  Heavenly Father also forgives and forgets.  When we repent, our slates are wiped clean and He remembers no more. 

At school, some of the teachers use colors for warnings for the kids.  Green means you are doing really good, yellow means you have had a rough moment or two, red means you haven't changed your behavior and orange means you are out of chances.  The result is loss of privileges.  However, every day when you come in, you get to start all over on green.  No matter how bad the day before was, you get all your colors back and you get to start the day out good.  Repentance allows us to get all our colors back and start out on the green again.  It is such a blessing to know that Heavenly Father loves us so much that He sent His Son to sacrifice for us to allow us this gift.  It is such a blessing to know that Jesus Christ was willing to come and sacrifice for us so that we could have this gift. 

We are all going to need our dressers cleaned off and we are all going to break a toilet every now and then.  How grateful I am to know that I can learn, humble myself, repent, and be forgiven.  That I can get my stuff back, fix that broken toilet and start a new day with my green card showing!  I hope that I can lay off my cruise control a little more and be ready when the curves are sharp, the deer are out and the fog thickens.  While the lessons we have aren't always pleasant, I am grateful for what they teach me and how they help me grow.  I hope that through them, I can become a better person and with each passing day become more like my Savior.

Peanut M&M's, Wing Tipped Shoes and Baseball Caps

That is what is on my mind today.  Today is my Grandpa's birthday.  He would be 95.  He died a few years ago.  I was supposed to go out to see him and my grandma that year on his birthday.  My parents and siblings were going too.  Unfortunately a snow storm came and I wasn't able to make it to there.  He died the next month.  I was so sad I didn't get to see him.  He was always such an important person to me.  We didn't get to live close to him all that much.  He lived in Nashville and we lived a little bit of everywhere.  He and my grandma would always come out for a visit in the summers.  We loved their visits!  I remember standing in the driveway the day they were supposed to arrive and just waiting and watching for their car to appear.  When we saw it we would all go running and yelling.  I'm sure it was quite the sight!  Six kids running and waving their arms, shouting hellos and waiting for their hugs!

My grandpa always wore wing tipped shoes.  He always wore dress slacks with a polo shirt tucked in and a baseball cap - the kind with the netting in the back. And he always had peanut M&M's!  Sometimes he would share with us and we loved that!  He always made us feel special.  I loved sitting next to him on the couch and just listening to his voice.  He always called my Potsie.  I'm not sure why but he did.  I loved that too.  No one calls me Potsie anymore.  Sometimes it makes me sad because I know that a part of my life is gone now.

My grandpa liked to golf and he was good at it.  He liked football too and he was also good at that.  He was also a good baseball player.  Sometimes he would come out in the yard and play with us or watch us do "cool" tricks.  He always made us feel special and important.  After my 8th grade year we moved to Tennessee.  I was so excited!  That summer I got to go spend a few days and nights at my grandparents house.  I loved being the only one there and getting all the attention.

My kids were able to meet my grandpa before he passed away.  Not all of them remember him but I have pictures of them with him.  They are very special to me and I am so glad that I have them.  I remember talking to him on the phone one day and having him tell me how proud he was of me.  He told me what I good person I had become and what a wonderful family I had.  He told me my kids were beautiful and that we were doing a good job.  That meant so much to me.

So today, on his birthday, I am celebrating him by eating a handful of peanut M&M's and just remembering... Remembering his smile, his voice, his laugh, his smell, his wing tipped shoes and his baseball caps.  Happy Birthday Grandpa!  I love you!

To: Mrs. Christiansen

I have had the wonderful opportunity to do a lot of subbing this year at my kids' elementary school.  Being a sub, you do have some kids that will test you, try to get away with things and push limits.  You also have kids that you can count on every time to be good and do what they are supposed to do. They know me on all different levels.  I coach some of them, some of them hang out at my house with my kids and I have subbed for all of them.  I love to tease them and give them a hard time and I always try to talk to them when I see them and let them know that I care about them.  This morning I was subbing and I saw one of the third graders with her bag of valentines that she was going to hand out to her class.  I said, "Oh! How nice!  You brought me some valentines!"  Well, guess what?!  She really had!  She pulled out a treat from her bag and it said "To: Mrs. Christiansen, From: Bailey".  I was totally surprised!  Even though I am just a sub, she had thought of me and made a valentine for me.  This isn't the first time that one of the kids have thought of me.  One day I was at school and one of the girls asked if she could go to her locker because she had brought me something.  She came back in with an ink pen with her family dairy logo on it.  Simple, yet thoughtful.  Another time at one of the elementary volleyball games, one of the 5th graders brought treats for her team.  After she had handed them out I heard her go to her mom and ask her if she could give me one too because I bring them treats sometimes.  Again, very thoughtful (and delicious!).  They ask me if I will come watch their games and want to know when I will get to be their sub again.  They give me high fives in the hallway and share their stories with me.  Last night at the ballgames I had seven kids (none of them mine) sitting with me and talking to  me!  To be honest, it makes me feel good.  It makes me feel like maybe I am making a difference in some one's life.  I hope that these kids look at me and see some one who really does care.  I hope that by listening to them, joking with them, coaching them, sharing my treats with them and taking time for them, their confidence will be increased.  I also hope that when I have to get on their case a little bit that they will know I do it because I care about them and want what is best for them.  I am very thankful for the opportunity I have to work with all these kids.  They test my patience at times and have to square dance in the library with me during lunch recess when they don't listen in PE, but there are also days that they totally make my day.  Like today, with a simple little valentine!

My 6 Little Valentines

I love doing things for  my kids.  I love surprising them with little treats.  I love to see their faces when they get something unexpected, whether it's time on their electronics, a trip to town, a special treat or a dollar for being extra helpful during the day.  I love making the holidays (and other important days) special for them.  Not just Christmas, but the little holidays in between.  I try to find things we can do that are simple but that can become fun traditions every year.  Each year on the first day of school the Backpack Fairy comes and leaves them something for their first day of school and a treat to eat when they get home.  On St. Patrick's Day the leprechauns come and leave them a treasure hunt to go on.  At Thanksgiving we write in our Thankful book and this last year we started a thankful tree.  A few years ago I decided I wanted to start doing something at Valentine's Day too (we call it love day).  There is nothing I love more in this world than my family.  I always got the kids a little treat but I wanted to make it a little more fun and special.  I found an idea online and changed it up a little to make it the way I wanted it to be.  Starting on the 1st day of February I leave them each a treat of some sort in their Valentine baskets.  Sometimes it is home made, sometimes it isn't.  Sometimes there is a note I leave them too.  Last year was our first year in this house.  We have no mud room so I made a hooks for the kids to hang their coats and backpacks on when they come in.  So I decided this was where I would put their baskets too. I found some at the dollar store that they decorated with a few stickers.  Then we hung them on their hooks. 

Each day I put something in there for them.  Last year I noticed that they started taping up the notes by their hooks so they could see them.  Some of them left their notes up all year.  It made me realize that to them it was more than just a treat.  It really did make them feel special and the handmade notes meant something to them.  This year they are doing the same.  I love that simple things can bring such joy.  Along with that we try to find something we can do each day to show some one that we love them.  Being aware of one another makes a big difference in how we treat each other.  I am so thankful for my family and each of my 6 little valentines (although they really aren't that little anymore I am realizing).  Almost 14 years ago when all this started, I had no idea what was in store for me!  There have been some really rough days and sleepless nights.  There have been tears, fighting, frustrations, and major changes.  Things that a person could never prepare for.  But there have also been joys, triumphs, celebrations, laughter, sharing, accomplishments and so much more.  Motherhood has opened my eyes and my heart in a way I never thought possible.  Yes, Valentine's Day is just another commercialized holiday that the stores use to make money off of us, but I love that there is a day (or month in our case) set aside to celebrate love.