I saw a quote posted on Facebook the other day that spoke to my soul. It said, "Sometimes the strength within you is not a big fiery flame for all to see, it is just a tiny spark that whispers ever so softly, 'You got this. Keep going.'"
Isn't that how it really is though? It's the quiet battles that we face that prove our strength. It's the day to day accomplishments during hard times that grow and refine us. Sure there are moments when we have to fight those visible battles and our strength and abilities are on display for all to see, but most of the time that is not the case. Most of the time no one knows the strength it is taking for us to do the things we are doing.
Recently I have been experiencing a flare up with my Crohn's Disease. Everyone experiences something different with Crohn's. I have never had the typical symptoms. In fact, it took the doctors several years to even test me for Crohn's because my symptoms were so far from typical. My flare ups usually consist of joint pain, muscle fatigue, and over all fatigue. The length of the flare ups vary as well as the severity. This latest has been the worst so far. Every joint in my body hurts. There is no escape from it, there is no position that helps ease it. It is constant and it wears a person down.
Along with the pain, it has caused a lot of frustration. I have had to come to an almost complete stop. I went from running and walking several miles daily to not even being able to walk a mile with several days of rest in between. Yard work, house work, anything and everything have become difficult and most days are not accomplished. Goals have had to be postponed. I have struggled with feeling inadequate and even feeling like a failure because I can't do the things that I am "supposed" to do. I have felt weak and lazy. I have even forced myself to go for a walk telling myself that it's just my imagination and that if I just went out and did something, it would go away. It didn't.
When I saw that quote, it struck home with me. Maybe I'm not weak. Maybe I'm not a failure. Maybe I'm not inadequate. Maybe my strength is not measured by those things. Maybe my strength is measured by the fact that I just keep going and do the best I can with what I have at the moment. It's not something that others can see or understand. In fact, most people have no idea what has been going on and some people may share the same judgements of me that I had formed of myself as they see me withdraw a bit from life.
However, I don't have to be a huge flame. None of us do. All we have to do is our very best each day. All we have to do is just keep going. Sometimes that tiny spark of strength that no one can see but that we rely on to get us through the day, is way bigger and brighter than a huge flame that everyone can see. It's like the widow's mite in the bible. Her contribution was very small and insignificant when it came to earthly value. She was looked down on because that is all she gave. Others gave huge amounts and got the praise of others. However, her small mite was literally all she had. She gave everything. She sacrificed everything, while those boasting of their large contribution in all reality sacrificed nothing in comparison. Her small spark showed tremendous strength.
Hang on to that spark. Don't be ashamed that it's all you've got at times. Listen to what it's saying to you and just "Keep going. You've got this!"
