For Sale

Well, it's official.  The sign is up and the house is listed.  Now comes the waiting and hoping and the constant cleaning :)  Right now the market seems good.  There are not as many houses for sale and it seems that some of them are going rather quickly.  Since ours is still in the fix it up mode, we are asking a lot less than most others so that will help to not have competition in the price market.  One thing about Green River is that even if the house is $200,000, it still needs work.  The housing is really expensive here.  The fact that we can ask $139,000 for ours will help us I think.  We will just have to wait and see what happens now.  Keep your fingers crossed!

I Think We're Ready!

This has been a busy week.  Michael and I spent the days packing and hauling.  I rented a storage shed last week and this week we have been filling it.  I kind of like the half empty house - it's so much roomier!  We have made a trip to the dump, several trips to the thrift store and even more trips to the storage shed.  We have cleaned - inside and out and done our best to get everything ready.  We signed papers and got everything ready at the real estate office.  We even had time for a little fun.  There was the regular baseball and softball.  Zane also had his pinewood derby this week.  The kids love to watch all the different cars race. Michael and I got to go out on a lunch date and a dinner date!  We celebrated our 12th anniversary Saturday.  He brought me white roses and a card.  Then we got a babysitter and went out to dinner.  It was nice to have some relaxation time with him after all the work we had done during the week.  Today we went to my parents house and celebrated again with dinner and dessert.  Michael headed back to work tonight.  I'm afraid he didn't get the rest he needed this week and will be tired going into this hitch but the knowledge that we only have two more will help.  Maddi had another meltdown after he left tonight.  I feel so bad for her when she struggles.  It's hard to watch your kids hurt.  She hates when Michael leaves.  She asked why we couldn't just leave now.  Unfortunately we have a few things we need to do before we can leave - the main one being to find a house to move in to!  Watching her struggle though shows me how important it is to do this.  This is pain that you can't buy off with the money he is out making.  Nothing I can buy her will take the place of Michael not being here.  His paychecks aren't worth that!  As I have said before, despite the chilly treatment we get from some and the undeserved questioning from others, I know that we have made the right choice.  I know that we are doing the right thing for our family.  The next few weeks will have moments of concern and anxiousness I am sure, but I know that it will all come together the way it is supposed to.  My brother quoted me a scripture the other day when I was talking to him about all that was going on.  It says (in some form or other), "lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust doth corrupt...But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you." That is in Matthew.  We are doing our best here on this earth to do the things that will allow us to be a part of the Kingdom of God. We are trying to be righteous.  We are trying to teach our children.  We are trying to strengthen our family.  If we are doing our best to seek Him, He will bless us with all that we need.  I believe that.  I trust in that.  I receive hope from that.  I gain strength from that.  So after all that has happened this week, we are ready in all aspects.  We are ready to put our For Sale sign out front tomorrow and get things rolling!  Our house is ready, our hearts are ready, the kids are ready and hopefully everything else (like the house market) is ready!

Hurting...

I am not perfect although perfection is my goal.  I will never reach it in this life but I hope to live good enough to reach it in the next life.  I will say this though, I try to always do what is right.  Sometimes it is hard.  Sometimes it is painful.  I don't just do things to do them.  I try to pray and study and think things through.  I know I will always fall short in the eyes of some.  I always have and it seems I always will.  To those I want to say this.  You hurt me.  You break my heart.  You know me better than that yet you give me no credit.  Tonight I am hurting.  I am sorry for falling short in your eyes.  I am not, however, sorry for the choices I have made.  I believe with all my heart that what I am doing and the choices I am making are the right ones.  My desires are righteous.  My heart is good.  My intentions are not evil.  I will continue on in faith despite the hurt that I feel, because beneath the hurt I still feel peace in my choices.  No one can say what our Heavenly Father has in store for us.  No one can say what His time frame is.  No one knows what lies in wait for us.  No one can take away the things that I have felt and the knowledge that I have.  I hope that some day you will be able to see me for who I really am.  I hope that you will be able to see into my heart and past the physical body that holds it.  I hope you will understand how desperately I need your love, but also understand that I can't always do what you want me to do to earn it.

What a Hitch!

Michael is coming home tonight (actually early tomorrow morning).  It has been a crazy hitch!  When Michael left two weeks ago I was so discouraged and frustrated. We were hoping with the interviews that Michael had gone to that we would have some answers about jobs before he left again.  We didn't.  I was in a really bad mood that day.  Here we were, him leaving again, the kids sad and me left to do it alone.  It wasn't what I was hoping for.  We had been fasting and praying.  We knew that this isn't what we were supposed to keep doing, but the options we were hoping for hadn't come about as of yet.  What's more, one of the jobs Michael had decided he probably wouldn't take even if they offered it to him.  Well, a week went by and nothing.  Our spirits were down.  The next week, I started filling out applications for other places around here.  I figured that I needed to do everything I should and take advantage of all the opportunities out there.  Tuesday things started coming together.  SDSU called and offered him the job. The next day Olsen Custom Farms called and offered him a job (our secret desire all along).  Michael turned down SDSU and accepted with Olsen's on Wednesday.  Thursday our real estate agents came to look at the house and let us know what we needed to do to get it on the market.  Friday I rented a storage unit so we could empty out all our non-essentials into it.  I also started collecting boxes.  This weekend we have started going through the kids rooms and getting rid of a lot and packing the rest, except for a few things.  It has been a whirlwind hitch!  I am so excited for Michael to come home and be a part of it!  He will love to see the kids' excitement and I will love having him be able to help pack and haul things!  Our spirits have been lifted.  What started out as one more hitch in a never ending pattern, turned into a joyful answer to prayers!  We feel so blessed.  Michael only has two more hitches to go.  It will be so much easier to say goodbye knowing that there is an end in sight and in the very near future we will not have to do this anymore!  There is still a lot to do between now and then.  We have to clear out our house, get it sold (cross your fingers for that to happen) and find a place there to live in, but we know it will all work out.

It's Starting to Feel Official

When all this job stuff came about at the beginning of the week it seemed kind of unreal. I wasn't sure how to take it all in. I was excited. I felt like our prayers had been answered. But at the same time, I could hardly believe it was happening! As the week has progressed and we got more details of the job and when we would start, it started feeling a little more real. Today pushed it all the way there! Our real estate agents came over to look at the house. We are using the same ones we bought it from since we know them and they know the house. They checked out what we had done for improvements, asked a few questions, and left me feeling relieved. They are extremely confident that we can sell the house with no problems. They told us we didn't need to do any more work on the house ( big relief). They told us we could for sure sell it for a profit (nice bonus since we've only owned for 6 months). They also told us that we were one of the few houses in this price range so there wouldn't be a lot of competition. Since we can sell it for well below what others are selling theirs for we have a nice advantage. The one thing we have to do though is declutter! Six kids take up a lot of space. We have to pack everything but the essentials and get it out of the house. They would like for us to get it all done next week so they can put it on the market that next Monday. Guess what Michael and I are going to be doing next week? Packing, organizing, throwing things away and hauling stuff off. Then, once it's on the market, we have to be ready at all times to show it. It will be crazy to keep the house show ready all the time, but it will be worth it if we can get it sold before we go to Minnesota. Anyways, now it feels official. Now I know it is really happening!

I Just Have to Say...

I am not a verbal person, in that I don't like to speak my mind or talk about emotional things directly to people.  I get nervous and flustered and worried that I might offend.  So instead, I write.  It not only allows me to say what I want to say, but it relieves stress for me as well.  So here goes....

I just want to express what is in my heart and on my mind.  I feel like, with some, I have been made to be the bad guy in this whole job and moving situation - like I am doing something wrong or out to hurt some one.  I'm not! I am trying to do what is best for my family!  As much as I would like to I can't make everyone happy.  I just can't!  I have to do what is best for me and my family and I can't worry about anything else.  I know this move comes as hard news to some and I feel horrible about that.  If I could, I would take it all away but I can't.  There are hard things for me too.  We are leaving good schools, family, some of us are leaving good friends, I am leaving the first house we ever owned and while it wasn't the nicest of homes, it was mine and I enjoyed making plans for how I wanted it to be.  BUT, we are doing what we feel is best for our family.  There is great joy in this decision.  I feel guilty about those that may be hurt.  I am not trying to abandon or anything else like that.  I am sorry if I am happy about it but I can't help it.  This is an answer to our prayers.  This is what we have been waiting for.  Not only are we going back to a place that we never wanted to leave in the first place, to people that we never wanted to leave, but we are going to a place that will allow Michael to be back home with us.  Michael's mom pout it perfectly the other night, right now he is a visitor in his own home.  It is so true!  Now he will be able to be in our lives on a daily basis.  There will be no more putting little kids to bed crying because they miss their daddy, no more breakdowns by older ones who need daddy there, no more sad Sunday nights as we stand at the door and tell him goodbye for two weeks.  Our family will be back together.  That is what is most important to us and if it means we have to leave here then that is what we will do.

Last night, in the middle of the night, I woke to Olivia coughing and choking in her bed.  She couldn't get her breath.  It scared me.  She has had croup many times and it has resulted in several trips to the ER.  All I could do was lay there with her propped on pillows and pray that she didn't need to go there.  I had to be up at 5:30 to take the two older girls to school by 6:30 for their much anticipated trip.  I had three others that would be sleeping.  How would I get her to the ER and get the girls to school and take care of the other three too.  So I lay there from 2:30 to 4:00 hoping that she would settle down.  She did and for that I am grateful.  What if she didn't though?  What would I have done?  How could I have done it all by myself?  Michael was gone and all the responsibility was mine.  I never did go back to sleep last night.  The worry from Olivia, the stress from having to deal with it alone, and the responsibility of getting everyone where they needed to go kept me from sleep for the rest of the night.  I realize that there are people who do it alone all the time.  I know that, but I have the opportunity to not have to do that anymore.  I have the opportunity to have my husband back home with me and nothing is going to make me want anything else.

So if you have taken this move as a personal offense, please don't.  Please understand me and what I have gone through, what Michael has gone through and what our children have gone through.  Please don't be mad at me and make me feel guilty over a decision that should be bringing me joy. You may think that there will be holes left where we were, but the Lord will fill those holes.  He always has and He always will.  Life is full of change and challenges, but He is always there to help us over the bumps.  I refuse to be sad over this move. I refuse to let others push their feelings on me and smother the joy that I am feeling.  I refuse to let anything get in the way of my family being together.  I have loved many aspects of living here.  I have met many new people and made friends who will forever be in my heart.  My children have had many wonderful experiences here, but I am ready to have my husband back and our family life the way it was meant to spent - together.

Ready to Go!

This morning the girls got up early (one as early as 4am) and got ready to head to Teton Science School for three days.  They were really excited to go.  It is a really neat experience for the kids.  They get to go out in nature and study science and all sorts of things.  A lot of hands on experiences that they don't get other places.  All the GATE kids grades 4 - 8 get the opportunity to go.  They do fundraisers for it and spend a lot of time preparing for it.  Here are a few pictures of them this morning:

News on the Job Front

Well, things have finally come together for us!  The last few weeks have been kind of a roller coaster but we finally have the answers and blessings that we have been looking for.  Michael is taking a job with Olsen Custom Farms in Hendricks, MN.  They are wonderful friends of ours and Michael is excited to be a part of their operation.  As soon as we got the news today we both felt like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders.  The stress just seemed to melt away and I was filled with excitement and joy!  The kids will get to have their horses again and do 4-H.  They will have freedom to roam and play.  We will get to have Michael back home with us.  Our family will be back together!  After I talked to Michael I went to my room and cried as I kneeled down and thanked my Heavenly Father for this blessing.  There is still a lot to be worked out - where we will live, what we will do with this house we bought 6 months ago, and things like that - but I don't even feel worried about it.  I know this is an answer to our prayers and fasting and I know that everything will work out.  It may not all go smooth and it may not all be easy, but it will work out.

There will be hard parts of leaving too.  We have friends and family that we will miss.  I will miss the schools here that provide wonderful opportunities for the kids.  But, I can't feel sad about our decision because we know it is best for us right now.  I don't know why things happen the way they do or why they happen when they do.  I just know that when we feel it is right (or wrong) we need to follow those promptings.  Michael and I have moved a lot since being married.  Our children have moved a lot.  It's a hard thing to do.  I hate it as much now as I did when I was younger.  We are ready to settle down and stop going from place to place.  We are ready to make a home for ourselves and our children.  This opportunity feels like it will be one that will allow that.

Anyways, that is the news.  More plans will come in the following days and in a few months we will be heading out to our new home!

My Day...

Somedays I just like to write down my day so that when I go to bed completely exhausted, I know why.  There are days that I feel like I go 100 mph but get nothing done all day long.  Today is one of those days.  Unfortunately, I was so tired when I got up this morning that I could hardly function.  After I got the kids off to school I went back to bed. I never do that, but this morning I did.  I slept until 10am!  I would've slept longer but I have so much to do that I had to drag myself out of bed and try to start functioning.  Because I know that today is going to be a crazy day and that I will look around the house at the end of the day and wonder what happened and why I got nothing done, I decided today will be a day that I write it all down.  This is my schedule for today...
6:30am - get Maddi up and off to school
7:30am - get the other kids up and ready for school
8:15am - back to bed :)
10 am - breakfast for me and Olivia, get ready for the day
11 am - clean my mom's house
1 pm - lunch and a trip to Rock Springs to get paperwork from the doctor
3 pm - Maddi home from school
3:30 pm - Maddi piano lessons
3:45pm - other kids home from school
4 pm - Dillon piano lessons
4:30pm - Makenna - piano lessons, pick up Dillon, take Zane and Jon to baseball practice, then drop off Dillon at baseball practice
5 pm - pick up Makenna from piano
6 pm - take Zeke and Olivia to ball practice
6:30pm - pick up Dillon from practice, then get Zane and Jon, drop Jon off
7 pm - pick up Zeke and Olivia
7:30 - 9pm - home work, piano practice, reading and bathing
9 pm - bedtime!

Mixed in with all that will be laundry, making supper and eating supper, exercise hopefully and all the other little things that have to be done.  That's my day today whether I like it or not! Somedays I have control over the schedule but today is not the case, it has been decided for me! So I'd better quit blogging and get to work!

The love of My Life

This week Michael and I will be celebrating our 12th anniversary.  Each year when our anniversary comes around, I can't help but think about all that we have been through.  Michael and I met during potato harvest in October of 1999.  He was driving tractor and I was delivering meals to all the workers.  It was dark and cold and that is about all there is to that night.  After potato harvest I moved to work in the office at the potato packing plant.  Michael ended up there after beet harvest.  We talked some in passing and but not much more than that.  I was teased a lot about him because he was the only english speaking single guy that worked there.  Shortly after the new year we went on our first date.  From there it is all history.  We were together every day after that.  There was just something there that I couldn't describe, but I knew.  I like to think he felt the same!  After just one week of dating we were talking about marriage.  By the end of the first month we had bought a ring.  A few weeks after that he gave it to me.  We were married April 28, 2000.  We faced a lot of challenges during those short months.  We had many people against us.  Some told Michael he had no right to date me and that he was ruining my life.  I was told he was just using me and he would eventually leave me.  Because we weren't getting married the way some had planned for us to be married we received opposition there too, some of it even came from family.  The trials that we faced pulled us together and brought us closer.  Our love for each other grew stronger.  By the end of that year, we were blessed with our first child. Over the last 12 years we have moved across country 4 different times.  We have been faced with financial difficulties, family problems, deaths of loved ones, a miscarriage and so many other struggles that families face as they learn and grow together.  We have also been extremely blessed.  We were allowed to have 6 healthy children, many wonderful friends, food to eat, jobs when needed and so many other blessings.  Over the years, the most important thing to Michael and I has always been to be together.  I remember when Maddi was a baby he had to go on a business trip to Texas. It was the first time that we had ever gone a day without being together.  It was so hard for both of us.  Since then there have been many times when he has had to be gone and each time it is still hard.  We have faced so many challenges together, ones that would have torn others apart, but they have only made us closer.  As we come to this anniversary, we still struggle with being apart.  As mentioned in other posts, Michael's job requires him to be gone two out of every three weeks.  Most days we get to talk to him on the phone for a few minutes, but there are days when we don't even get that.  It is hard!  Some people think that it is because I can't handle doing it all by myself.  That is not true.  I can do it by myself!  I do it every day by myself!  What makes it hard is that I miss Michael.  I don't like being away from him.  People I talk to tell me it will get easier and that I will get used to it.  Well,  it doesn't and I won't!  Michael is everything to me.  There have been so many times over the last 12 years when he has been the only person in my life that I could go to.  There have been so many circumstances where all we had was each other.  We have been each other's best friends (and sometimes only friends).  We have lifted each other when others have tried to tear us down.  We have grown together when others tried to rip us apart.  We have strengthened each other when it was all too much to bear and we didn't know if we could continue.  There is no better, safer feeling than when he is holding me in his arms.  All my troubles melt away for that moment.  When he is gone I miss him.  It's just that plain and simple.  The last 12 years have been full of life and all that it has to offer - the good and the bad.  I am so thankful that I have been able to share it with Michael.  He truly is the love of my life and each new day with him is a blessing for which I will always be grateful.