Another Tough Day

I held hands with a sweet, troubled child for many hours today.  We all went shopping.  Michael was out of town, the kids still needed a few odds and ends for school so we headed out this afternoon and spent the rest of the day shopping and eating.  As the day progressed, the behaviors escalated.  The only escape was reading a book in the car on the way home.  I held his hand, hoping the physical touch would calm him.  Usually it helps but not today.  So I then held his hand just to keep him close and contained. 

Again, his eyes were different.  They weren't his happy, shining eyes.  He said he was trying to stop but couldn't.  He knew what he was doing but did not have the ability to stop it.  I could see in his eyes that what he was saying was true. 

By the time we were done getting all that we needed, I was exhausted.  I can't imagine how he must have felt.  I finally sat down with the other kids and told them that we were all going to need patience and love as we went on this journey.  I tried to give them as much of an explanation as I could so that they could be more understanding of the situation.  Now we will just have to move forward, search for answers and say a lot of prayers.

Exciting Stuff!

 

The other day I got my very first, official letter from the school :)  I have been waiting to tell everyone about my exciting news because I wanted to make sure it was all official before I said anything.  I think it is official enough now that I can make the announcement that I have been hired to be the new elementary assistant at Deubrook!  I am so excited!  I have been subbing at Deubrook for 2 years now.  I have grown to love the staff and the students there.  The staff at Deubrook are some of the most amazing and caring people that I have ever met.  I got to sit in meetings with them last year before school started and I was deeply impressed.  As I sat there listening to all that they had done and all that they still had to do it really opened my eyes as to how much time and effort they put into our children.  They love our children, they love their jobs, they love each other, and they love the school.  They do such an amazing job and I am so excited to be able to join their team!  My kids are excited because now they won't have to ride the bus anymore.  I guess there are perks for all of us! 

 

Summer is winding down for all of us - less then three weeks away.  On August 18th I will start my new adventure.  I am a little nervous, but mostly excited!  The kids will start on the 20th.  They are also excited to be back with their friends and meet new classmates and teachers.  It is going to be a good year!

A Child's Eyes

A child's eyes can tell you so much about what they are feeling.  You can look in their eyes and see excitement, joy, comfort, security, love, fear, sadness, confusion, hurt, frustration, so many things.  Lately one of my children has been having a struggle.  It is something that has developed over the last couple of years.  It wasn't until the end of this last school year that we got some answers that finally made a little sense to us.  It explained him and some of his tendencies.  Summer started and he relaxed and most of his symptoms kind of disappeared.  The last few weeks though they have started to come back with even more added to them.  However, the new symptoms have kind of thrown me for a loop and I am not sure where to go with them.  It is frustrating and at times maddening to try to deal or help him deal with things at times.  Yesterday was an especially hard day for him.  By the time the day was over I was at a complete loss as of what to do.  I feel the other kids need some sort of explanation, yet I don't even know what it is I need to explain.  Sometimes I feel he needs an explanation, yet I don't know what I would tell him either. 

Through out the day I kept looking in his eyes.  His eyes made me hurt inside.  I could see the anger, the frustration, the sadness.  As the other kids would tell me how he behaved, his eyes would fill with tears.  I knew he was struggling and I felt so helpless.  I wanted to protect him from whatever it was he was feeling.  I wanted to make it all better but I didn't know how.

After all the other kids had gone to bed I sat him in my lap and talked to him.  He had no explanation for his behavior.  I didn't know what he understood, if anything, about what was going on.  I didn't know if he was aware of some of his actions.  I didn't want to add more burden if he wasn't aware but I wanted to be able to explain things to him if he was aware.  He was very teary eyed and emotional.  He could hardly talk without crying.  I asked him if he ever did things he didn't want to do but couldn't stop or if his body ever did things that he couldn't control.  He started crying really hard and said yes.  He said sometimes he gets really mad and he doesn't want to but he doesn't know how to stop it, then he does things that he doesn't want to do. 

We rocked a little longer and he calmed down.  Then he started crying again.  When I asked him why he was crying he told me that every time he thinks about what he did he feels so bad.  This little child of mine is one of the sweetest spirits I know.  He is always looking for ways to help, always asking what he can do.  He leaves notes on my bed and draws me special pictures.  He hugs me and loves to be with me and his daddy.  He is extremely smart and remembers everything!  He is gentle and kind.  That's why the things that are happening are so frustrating for him and for me.  We don't know why.  I don't know how to help or where to go with it.  I don't know if everything that is happening is connected or if there are multiple things going on.  All I know is that it hurts. 

Today his eyes are better.  There is calm in them and a lightness about them.  He has had a much better day.  Today his eyes make me smile and bring me peace.  Today we will embrace that and make the most of it.  We will enjoy the happiness of today and do our best to keep the shine in his eyes.

Valley Fair and the Horse Races

This last weekend we took our annual trip to the horse races.  We also decided to go to Valley Fair.  It is the first time we have ever been and the kids were really excited to go!  We got up at 5am Friday morning and headed out around 6:30.

 

We got to Valley Fair around 11am.  It was the perfect day to go.  Cloudy skies and not too hot yet warm enough to be able to do the water rides and go to Soak City.

 

We spent about 11 hours there.  Some of the kids were dare devils and went on the thrill rides with Michael.  Some were not as daring and went on the smaller rides.  Every one loved Soak City and Bumper cars.





Zeke was the most daring.  He went on everything and had no fear!  He did the Power Tower (shooting up and falling down), Wild Thing, Extreme Swing and everything in between.  The Wild Thing even had mechanical difficulties on the way up to the top of the first drop and he still loved it and went on it another time!

They all relaxed a little on the slower rides in Camp Snoopy, played in the water for a few hours at Soak City and even took a ride on the carousel.

Saturday morning we got up and went to visit our friends, Bob and Lorie.  She cooked us a big breakfast and then the kids swam in the pool for a while.  It was nice to see them.  Then we went to the horse races.  We love going there every year.

(Yes, we took some selfies at the horse races!  We had to have proof that we were there!)

 

When the races were over they had a human cannonball come and get shot out of a cannon.  It was kind of cool to see.  We had never seen one before.  The kids stood right on the ground near where he landed. 

 

It was nice to get out of town for a day or two and spend some time together.  There was no fighting or arguing and everyone seemed to have fun.  The kids are already talking about what rides they want to go on next time we go!  Now it is back home and back to reality.  School starts in 3 weeks!



You Have a Big Butt!

It is true.  I have, once again, been blessed by the bluntness of a child :)  It's okay though.  They are right.  I do have a big butt!  Bigger than I would like for sure.  Sometimes I get down about my big butt.  I work out every day.  I count my calories.  I don't even buy ice cream on a regular basis any more, or chocolate!  Yet, it is still there and as pointed out, it is still big! 

Since hearing this comment I have done a lot of thinking and observing and remembering.  My big butt has been through a lot in the last 14 years.  There have been six kids brought into this world and a miscarriage in 6 1/2 years.  There has been a broken tail bone too, just to add a little more fun to life.  There have been 6 huge moves where we have loaded up and relocated our family and our lives.  There have been many smaller moves too where we just moved to a new house.  Some of those moves have been made while I was pregnant, during sickness and with lots of tears. 

My big butt has spent many nights up with children - feeding them, taking care of them when they were sick or sitting in the emergency room with them hoping we would get to go home soon.  This big butt has spent countless hours reading stories, baking cookies, singing silly songs, rocking babies or chasing little ones around the yard.  This big butt has made birthdays special, Christmas magical, even the first day of school something to look forward to. This big butt has bandaged knees, mended hearts and cried many tears over the years.

This big butt has sat on bleacher after bleacher watching basketball, volleyball, football, indoor soccer, and track meets.  It has even ran around golf courses cheering at cross country meets.  This big butt has coached baseball, basketball and cross country.  This big butt spends summers working out with the neighborhood kids and parents to help them get ready for the fall. 

This big butt has taught her children to work, to respect and serve others, to love those around them, to love God, to pray and to live a life that leads to joy and happiness.  This big butt has done what so many other big (and small) butts have done.  So, here's to all you butts out there - thank you for who you are and what you do!  May we all find time to sit on our butts, enjoy a diet Dr. Pepper and relax!

Olivia

Last summer when the kids and I went to Wyoming and Idaho we went to church with my parents.  Olivia was a little shy so instead of going to Sunday school with the kids she came to my Sunday school class with me.  Of course she got bored so I let her play with my phone.  I was going through pictures the other day and came across the pictures she had taken that day!  It made me laugh :)  She is such a goofball! 

 

It did keep her very quiet and she would be very embarrassed if she knew I posted all these but I couldn't help myself!  Her personality is huge at times and she always keeps us laughing and on our toes!

Quiet: God at Work

This week has been quite the week for me.  What started out last weekend as a fun weekend at the state track meet - sleeping in a hotel (that is huge for our kids because it only happens like once a year), swimming, going for a wagon ride etc. ended up with a fever and throwing up and going home early.  That turned into hand foot and mouth disease for two of my kids - blisters in their mouths and on their hands and feet.  Then midweek we got a huge rainstorm which resulted in a puddling basement and a huge mess (I won't say we were flooding because we weren't wading through the water, just splashing).  I spent most of the day trying to dry things up, get laundry done from all that had gotten wet and trying to move furniture so that it didn't get ruined in the water.  We ended the week with pink eye.  Along with all that I was dealing with other things that were draining me emotionally and physically.  By yesterday afternoon I just wanted to throw in the towel and walk away. 

Years ago when I was in high school and we were moving somewhere, we were in the garage trying to sort through boxes.  One of my brothers gave me a box to hold while they looked through another box.  Then they gave me another box.  Then it became a game.  Let's see how many boxes Emma can hold up before she gets squished.  So they started piling more boxes on.  Luckily, I was near a wall so I leaned up against it with bent knees and I was able to use my legs to help hold the weight of the boxes.  Eventually though, even with the help of the wall, I ended up on the ground with a pile of boxes on top of me (however, I did hold a lot more than they ever thought I would).  That is how I was feeling this week.  I felt like I was up against a wall with box after box being piled on top of me as I slowly slid to the floor.  It felt like no matter how I braced myself, the weight was still dragging me down and there was nothing I could do. 

I went through the normal, faithless questioning.  Why me?  Why do things have to be so hard?  Why do I have to deal with this right now?  Why can't I just get a break?  I will admit, my weaknesses were all showing through!  I was grumpy.  I was sleepless.  I was stressed.  I was unorganized.  I wanted to fight.  I didn't want to be the nice one.  I didn't want to be the peacemaker.  I didn't want to care.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on my mood, I did care.  I can't stand fighting.  And, I know too much to allow myself to walk away.  I have been blessed too many times to throw in the towel.  I have felt God's love too many times to blame Him or be mad.  I have felt Him guide me too many times to think this was all a waste of time.

I read a quote from Ray Pritchard.  He wrote a book titled, "Why Did This Happen to Me?"  I have not read the book, but I saw this quote and it spoke to me.  He says: “Sometimes we will face things for which there is no earthly explanation. In those moments we need to erect a sign that reads, ‘Quiet: God at Work.’ Meanwhile, hold on, child of God. Keep believing. Don’t quit. Don’t give up. Let God do His work in you. The greatest tragedy is to miss what God wants to teach us through our troubles.”

Life is full of challenges, trials, hardships, hurt and pain.  We have to experience these things in order to learn and grow.  It is not God leaving us alone.  It is Him trying to help us increase our faith, live to our potential and become like Him.  We need to be quiet and let Him work.  It is hard.  I am  not very good at it.  I always seem to throw a fit before I settle down and listen.  I especially like his words, "Meanwhile, hold on, child of God."  I am His child.  We all are.  I think of my own children.  Would I ever leave them alone?  Would I ever put them through unnecessary pain or trials?  No.  However, do I protect them from everything so they cannot learn?  No.  I allow them to learn and grow through making decisions and letting them face consequences.  I allow them to go to school where some one may say something mean to them.  Then I bring them home where it is safe and teach them.  I help them become stronger.  I teach them to be kind to others and empathetic and caring.  I love them.  I cannot protect them and have them learn what they need to learn.  You can't learn to ride a bike without falling off once or twice.  I have scars on my knees to prove that :)  I can hold the bike steady for a while but eventually I have to let go so they can do it on their own.

Our Heavenly Father does the same for us.  He is there, holding our bike steady, but eventually He has to let go and let us ride.  When we fall, He is there to help us up.  He has given us the gift of our Savior, Jesus Christ, to help heal our skinned knees and bruises, to ease the pain and to help us get back up on the bike again.  Just as my children come to me with their burdens and trials and hurt, we can go to our Father in Heaven.  This knowledge is what keeps me from throwing in the towel.  The knowledge of His unending, pure love.  The knowledge that I am not alone.  The knowledge that I am His child. 

In 2 Corinthians 4:17 it reads, "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;"

These trials that we have, as overwhelming and real as they are, are truly but for a moment.  The eternal glory waiting for us far exceeds anything that we will experience here in this life.  As I sat on that garage floor, weighted down by all those boxes, it took only a few minutes for my brothers to get them all off of me so I could stand back up, freed from the weight.  Our trials here are the same.  They may cause our strength to be challenged.  They may knock us to the floor.  But they are just for a moment and if we reach out and ask, He will lighten our load and give us the strength to endure so that we may one day rest in His eternal glory. 

So my thoughts as I begin this new week - Quiet: God at Work.  Psalms 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God." 

A Simple Ring

This is a ring one of my brothers gave me.  It is just a silver band.  Nothing fancy or expensive.  I have been wearing it everyday for a month or so.  It is a reminder.  He is going through a rough patch right now.  Wearing this ring reminds me to think of him and pray for him.  However, wearing this ring has reached out beyond my brother.  As I think about him, I also think about others who are struggling right now - my friend who has cancer, another friend who lost her grandfather recently, a boy who is left by himself all day to wander around town with no one that really cares for him, an elderly lady who is alone quite often, so many people with their own set of struggles. This ring reminds me to be soft and understanding of others and their struggles.  It reminds me not to judge.  It reminds me to reach out and show love when normally I wouldn't have.  It reminds me to wave and smile :) 

It has done even more.  It reminds me that I am loved - by my family, by my friends and by my Savior.  It reminds me that I am not alone, none of us are alone.  He is there waiting for us with His hands out ready to help.  Life can be hard, challenges can be overwhelming, but He will help us through.  Knowing this gives me strength to continue on, to trudge through the mud and continue on to higher ground.

As I am reminded of the love and blessings I have in my life and as I am reminded of those who are in need, I am reminded that have the ability and responsibility to reach out and lift those around me.  If I, in faith, will reach out and grab hold of the Savior's hand, He will help me do just that.  He will help me see the needs around me and He will help me provide for their needs.  As I follow His example and serve others, even if it means making sacrifices myself, He will bless me with the means to help pull others out of the mud and up to higher ground.

When It Rains...

It pours.  I guess I am having a pity party right now.  I have been so overwhelmed lately with things that a wet basement is just the thing to topple it all over.  I know there are worse challenges and trials.  I know people are worse off than we are.  I am very grateful for all that we have.  That doesn't make our challenges any less real.  It doesn't make the trials any less stressful and frustrating.  Right now, for me, I need this week to be over!  We have had hand-foot-mouth disease, unexpected money-sucking expenses and now flash flooding.  The basement is full of puddles.  I have a huge pile of laundry, stuffed animals, blankets, etc that need to be washed and dried because of the puddles.  I have not been the ideal mother today.  I have not faced this newest challenge with smiles and hugs.  I am dirty and probably stinky and my house is a disaster. 

So, I need to take a break and remember what is on the other side of this rain storm.  For one, I have a shop vac that works and if I didn't, I have had two offers to bring one over.  I have had friends offer to help clean up the mess.  Good friends are a huge blessing and I have so many of those.  I could not imagine life without the wonderful people that I have come to know and love over the last two years.  I know they would drop anything to come and help me if I needed it.  And they would bring a diet Dr. Pepper with them!

Even though we have had to deal with the annoyance of this weird little thing called hand-foot-mouth disease, my family is all healthy and strong.  As I listen to the four youngest play out in our new lake, I am very grateful for the health that we have all been blessed with.  I am grateful that they are able to run and play with no worries.  And though they overwhelm me at times, I love all six of them and I couldn't imagine my life any other way.  It gets crazy and chaotic at times.  Our yard is always full of kids running and playing it seems.  There are days that we have someone on our doorstep at 8am and the day is spent with a steady stream of kids coming and going until dark (sometimes even after that).  I am grateful that this is a place where kids can come and have fun.

There are also days (like today) that I wish Michael's job was closer to home and a little more flexible.  Who doesn't want that right?!  But we are blessed that he has it.  There are days he comes home covered in cow manure and tries to hug all the kids before he changes.  I love listening to them run and squeal as he chases after them with open arms!  I love that he is here and though he can't rush home every time I think I need him, I know that every evening he will be.  The kids love seeing him pull up in his work truck with Taz in the back.  They love when Daddy comes home and so do I.

There are so many other things, these are just a few of the ones that have particular meaning to me today - the rainbows after my storm.  Looking for these rainbows don't necessarily make the storm go away but they do add beauty to the clouds and puddles.  As I look at the sky and see more clouds coming in, I know that another storm is on the way.  That seems to be life sometimes.  Just as we get cleaned up from one storm, another one hits.  It's okay though.  I know if it does hit, there will be friends with towels waiting to help.  There will be puddles filled with happy, splashing, healthy kids and that soon enough Daddy will be home!

End of the Year Awards

I know I am late with this but it feels like, even though school has been out for a couple of weeks, that we are just ending the year.  Maddi's track season just ended so even though there has been no school we have still been at the school everyday for that.

Anyways, I am so proud of what my kids accomplished this year!  I was able to go to the awards ceremony at the elementary school on the last day of school and watch them receive their awards.  I was so glad I got to be there and I am so proud of them!  I will start with the youngest and move up. 

Olivia - 1st grade.  Olivia got 42 AR points this year.  She got the most in her class so she got an extra prize from the principal.  She was very excited to have the most!

She also earned the fitness gram (which is kind of like the Presidential Fitness Award) and she was in the Assist Club in PE.  The kids get "assists" in PE for being exceptionally good in class - listening, following directions, helping, etc.

 

Zeke - 2nd grade.  Zeke got 133.8 AR points.  He also got the most in his class.  He was reading books this year that had 21 points in them (and he got all 21 points).  Those are huge books for a little 2md grader!  He is a very good reader and he is able to comprehend what he reads so he can be successful when he took the tests.  He was also recognized for his success.

Along with AR he was also in the Assist club.  He received his Fitness Gram.  He also got an award for receiving 100% on all his spelling tests for the year.  That's a pretty cool thing I think!  I'm not sure I could say I got 100% on all my tests!

Dillon - 4th grade.  Dillon earned 271.4 AR points.  He was second in his class.  He also earned the Presidential Outstanding Academic Achievement Award.  I am so proud of him for that!  He worked really hard all year to receive that. 

He also received his Fitness Gram.  He also got his Book It award for earning all his Book It during the year.

Zane - 5th grade.  Zane got 408.1 AR points this year.  That is huge for my boy who didn't like to read very much!  He had the most in his class.

He also received awards for Assist Club and Fitness Gram.  He also received the Citizenship Award in his class.  I was very proud of him for that.  He was always a good example in class, listening to his teacher, staying on task and helping his classmates.  He also got a superior for his band competition.  He did a snare drum solo.

Makenna - 6th grade.  Makenna graduated from elementary school this year.  Big stuff!  Now she's on to the high school!  She earned 716.7 AR points this year.  She not only earned the most in her class but the most in the school.  She was very excited about that!  She got a huge basket of prizes from the school for all her hard work!

She earned her Fitness Gram and was in the Assist Club.  She was in both Honors Choirs this year.  She also earned the Presidential Outstanding Academic Achievement Award.  She was on Student Council. She took first in the Poppy Poster contest, first in the Americanism Essay contest, and first in the Poetry contest.

Maddi - 7th grade.  Maddi got perfect attendance :)  She also earned a letter in Cross Country and got the Newcomers Award.  She and another teammate received that because they was able to come up and run varsity when the team needed them to.  She also lettered in track this year and was able to run at State.  She also got a Character of the Month Award for Responsibility from one of her teachers.

 

All of the kids also improved their scores in all their testing.  Most of them are well above their grade average and continue to grow.  This year was our second year to go to Deubrook.  I am again, so thankful for all the opportunities my kids have because of this school.  They absolutely love this school!  It has been such a blessing for all of us.