I Just Have to Say...

I am not a verbal person, in that I don't like to speak my mind or talk about emotional things directly to people.  I get nervous and flustered and worried that I might offend.  So instead, I write.  It not only allows me to say what I want to say, but it relieves stress for me as well.  So here goes....

I just want to express what is in my heart and on my mind.  I feel like, with some, I have been made to be the bad guy in this whole job and moving situation - like I am doing something wrong or out to hurt some one.  I'm not! I am trying to do what is best for my family!  As much as I would like to I can't make everyone happy.  I just can't!  I have to do what is best for me and my family and I can't worry about anything else.  I know this move comes as hard news to some and I feel horrible about that.  If I could, I would take it all away but I can't.  There are hard things for me too.  We are leaving good schools, family, some of us are leaving good friends, I am leaving the first house we ever owned and while it wasn't the nicest of homes, it was mine and I enjoyed making plans for how I wanted it to be.  BUT, we are doing what we feel is best for our family.  There is great joy in this decision.  I feel guilty about those that may be hurt.  I am not trying to abandon or anything else like that.  I am sorry if I am happy about it but I can't help it.  This is an answer to our prayers.  This is what we have been waiting for.  Not only are we going back to a place that we never wanted to leave in the first place, to people that we never wanted to leave, but we are going to a place that will allow Michael to be back home with us.  Michael's mom pout it perfectly the other night, right now he is a visitor in his own home.  It is so true!  Now he will be able to be in our lives on a daily basis.  There will be no more putting little kids to bed crying because they miss their daddy, no more breakdowns by older ones who need daddy there, no more sad Sunday nights as we stand at the door and tell him goodbye for two weeks.  Our family will be back together.  That is what is most important to us and if it means we have to leave here then that is what we will do.

Last night, in the middle of the night, I woke to Olivia coughing and choking in her bed.  She couldn't get her breath.  It scared me.  She has had croup many times and it has resulted in several trips to the ER.  All I could do was lay there with her propped on pillows and pray that she didn't need to go there.  I had to be up at 5:30 to take the two older girls to school by 6:30 for their much anticipated trip.  I had three others that would be sleeping.  How would I get her to the ER and get the girls to school and take care of the other three too.  So I lay there from 2:30 to 4:00 hoping that she would settle down.  She did and for that I am grateful.  What if she didn't though?  What would I have done?  How could I have done it all by myself?  Michael was gone and all the responsibility was mine.  I never did go back to sleep last night.  The worry from Olivia, the stress from having to deal with it alone, and the responsibility of getting everyone where they needed to go kept me from sleep for the rest of the night.  I realize that there are people who do it alone all the time.  I know that, but I have the opportunity to not have to do that anymore.  I have the opportunity to have my husband back home with me and nothing is going to make me want anything else.

So if you have taken this move as a personal offense, please don't.  Please understand me and what I have gone through, what Michael has gone through and what our children have gone through.  Please don't be mad at me and make me feel guilty over a decision that should be bringing me joy. You may think that there will be holes left where we were, but the Lord will fill those holes.  He always has and He always will.  Life is full of change and challenges, but He is always there to help us over the bumps.  I refuse to be sad over this move. I refuse to let others push their feelings on me and smother the joy that I am feeling.  I refuse to let anything get in the way of my family being together.  I have loved many aspects of living here.  I have met many new people and made friends who will forever be in my heart.  My children have had many wonderful experiences here, but I am ready to have my husband back and our family life the way it was meant to spent - together.

Ready to Go!

This morning the girls got up early (one as early as 4am) and got ready to head to Teton Science School for three days.  They were really excited to go.  It is a really neat experience for the kids.  They get to go out in nature and study science and all sorts of things.  A lot of hands on experiences that they don't get other places.  All the GATE kids grades 4 - 8 get the opportunity to go.  They do fundraisers for it and spend a lot of time preparing for it.  Here are a few pictures of them this morning:

News on the Job Front

Well, things have finally come together for us!  The last few weeks have been kind of a roller coaster but we finally have the answers and blessings that we have been looking for.  Michael is taking a job with Olsen Custom Farms in Hendricks, MN.  They are wonderful friends of ours and Michael is excited to be a part of their operation.  As soon as we got the news today we both felt like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders.  The stress just seemed to melt away and I was filled with excitement and joy!  The kids will get to have their horses again and do 4-H.  They will have freedom to roam and play.  We will get to have Michael back home with us.  Our family will be back together!  After I talked to Michael I went to my room and cried as I kneeled down and thanked my Heavenly Father for this blessing.  There is still a lot to be worked out - where we will live, what we will do with this house we bought 6 months ago, and things like that - but I don't even feel worried about it.  I know this is an answer to our prayers and fasting and I know that everything will work out.  It may not all go smooth and it may not all be easy, but it will work out.

There will be hard parts of leaving too.  We have friends and family that we will miss.  I will miss the schools here that provide wonderful opportunities for the kids.  But, I can't feel sad about our decision because we know it is best for us right now.  I don't know why things happen the way they do or why they happen when they do.  I just know that when we feel it is right (or wrong) we need to follow those promptings.  Michael and I have moved a lot since being married.  Our children have moved a lot.  It's a hard thing to do.  I hate it as much now as I did when I was younger.  We are ready to settle down and stop going from place to place.  We are ready to make a home for ourselves and our children.  This opportunity feels like it will be one that will allow that.

Anyways, that is the news.  More plans will come in the following days and in a few months we will be heading out to our new home!

My Day...

Somedays I just like to write down my day so that when I go to bed completely exhausted, I know why.  There are days that I feel like I go 100 mph but get nothing done all day long.  Today is one of those days.  Unfortunately, I was so tired when I got up this morning that I could hardly function.  After I got the kids off to school I went back to bed. I never do that, but this morning I did.  I slept until 10am!  I would've slept longer but I have so much to do that I had to drag myself out of bed and try to start functioning.  Because I know that today is going to be a crazy day and that I will look around the house at the end of the day and wonder what happened and why I got nothing done, I decided today will be a day that I write it all down.  This is my schedule for today...
6:30am - get Maddi up and off to school
7:30am - get the other kids up and ready for school
8:15am - back to bed :)
10 am - breakfast for me and Olivia, get ready for the day
11 am - clean my mom's house
1 pm - lunch and a trip to Rock Springs to get paperwork from the doctor
3 pm - Maddi home from school
3:30 pm - Maddi piano lessons
3:45pm - other kids home from school
4 pm - Dillon piano lessons
4:30pm - Makenna - piano lessons, pick up Dillon, take Zane and Jon to baseball practice, then drop off Dillon at baseball practice
5 pm - pick up Makenna from piano
6 pm - take Zeke and Olivia to ball practice
6:30pm - pick up Dillon from practice, then get Zane and Jon, drop Jon off
7 pm - pick up Zeke and Olivia
7:30 - 9pm - home work, piano practice, reading and bathing
9 pm - bedtime!

Mixed in with all that will be laundry, making supper and eating supper, exercise hopefully and all the other little things that have to be done.  That's my day today whether I like it or not! Somedays I have control over the schedule but today is not the case, it has been decided for me! So I'd better quit blogging and get to work!

The love of My Life

This week Michael and I will be celebrating our 12th anniversary.  Each year when our anniversary comes around, I can't help but think about all that we have been through.  Michael and I met during potato harvest in October of 1999.  He was driving tractor and I was delivering meals to all the workers.  It was dark and cold and that is about all there is to that night.  After potato harvest I moved to work in the office at the potato packing plant.  Michael ended up there after beet harvest.  We talked some in passing and but not much more than that.  I was teased a lot about him because he was the only english speaking single guy that worked there.  Shortly after the new year we went on our first date.  From there it is all history.  We were together every day after that.  There was just something there that I couldn't describe, but I knew.  I like to think he felt the same!  After just one week of dating we were talking about marriage.  By the end of the first month we had bought a ring.  A few weeks after that he gave it to me.  We were married April 28, 2000.  We faced a lot of challenges during those short months.  We had many people against us.  Some told Michael he had no right to date me and that he was ruining my life.  I was told he was just using me and he would eventually leave me.  Because we weren't getting married the way some had planned for us to be married we received opposition there too, some of it even came from family.  The trials that we faced pulled us together and brought us closer.  Our love for each other grew stronger.  By the end of that year, we were blessed with our first child. Over the last 12 years we have moved across country 4 different times.  We have been faced with financial difficulties, family problems, deaths of loved ones, a miscarriage and so many other struggles that families face as they learn and grow together.  We have also been extremely blessed.  We were allowed to have 6 healthy children, many wonderful friends, food to eat, jobs when needed and so many other blessings.  Over the years, the most important thing to Michael and I has always been to be together.  I remember when Maddi was a baby he had to go on a business trip to Texas. It was the first time that we had ever gone a day without being together.  It was so hard for both of us.  Since then there have been many times when he has had to be gone and each time it is still hard.  We have faced so many challenges together, ones that would have torn others apart, but they have only made us closer.  As we come to this anniversary, we still struggle with being apart.  As mentioned in other posts, Michael's job requires him to be gone two out of every three weeks.  Most days we get to talk to him on the phone for a few minutes, but there are days when we don't even get that.  It is hard!  Some people think that it is because I can't handle doing it all by myself.  That is not true.  I can do it by myself!  I do it every day by myself!  What makes it hard is that I miss Michael.  I don't like being away from him.  People I talk to tell me it will get easier and that I will get used to it.  Well,  it doesn't and I won't!  Michael is everything to me.  There have been so many times over the last 12 years when he has been the only person in my life that I could go to.  There have been so many circumstances where all we had was each other.  We have been each other's best friends (and sometimes only friends).  We have lifted each other when others have tried to tear us down.  We have grown together when others tried to rip us apart.  We have strengthened each other when it was all too much to bear and we didn't know if we could continue.  There is no better, safer feeling than when he is holding me in his arms.  All my troubles melt away for that moment.  When he is gone I miss him.  It's just that plain and simple.  The last 12 years have been full of life and all that it has to offer - the good and the bad.  I am so thankful that I have been able to share it with Michael.  He truly is the love of my life and each new day with him is a blessing for which I will always be grateful.

Happy Birthday Michael Zane Cowboy Christiansen!

Yesterday was Zane's 9th birthday.  It was kind of a bust, but we tried to have a little fun amidst the craziness.  Michael was working so we had a little celebration before he left.  He has been working in an area that doesn't have reception so he was not able to talk to Zane yesterday.  He did get a short phone call in this morning though.  I went and ate lunch with him at school.  I brought Subway for us because I wanted nothing to do with school nachos!!  After school I spent the afternoon getting Olivia and Makenna ready for their dance pictures and then taking them back and forth to the photo shoot.  Then Zane had his first baseball practice and spent two hours there.  I had promised him that we could go out to eat and he picked Applebees.  So we loaded up at 8 last night and headed to Rock Springs for dinner.  He wanted to go to Applebees because they sing to you there and give you cake and ice cream!  First thing he told the waiter when she came to our table was that it was his birthday!  After dinner we ran to Walmart to get ice cream and headed home.  It was 10 before we got home and he got to open his presents.  By that time, everyone was tired and no one wanted cake or ice cream so we went to bed.  This afternoon we finally sang "Happy Birthday" to him and had his cake!  Poor kid! He didn't seem to mind and was a good sport through all of it.  Zane is such a blessing to us and we are so thankful to have him in our family and a part of our lives.  He is 100% boy!  He loves getting dirty, fixing things, playing sports, riding bikes, playing jokes and being loud!  And he's good at all of it :)  Happy Birthday Cowboy!  We love you!

Baseball Season Has Begun

This week was the official beginning of baseball.  We started Monday.  Zeke and Olivia play for the Storm.  They are doing tee ball this year.

Dillon is in the pitching machine league.  This will be his first year doing that.  He plays for the Pirates.  His coach from last year is his coach again this year.  He loves baseball so he is really excited to start playing!

Zane is playing in the minor league.  My brother is his coach.  He plays for the Twins.  This is his first year in the minors.  He really enjoys baseball too and will have fun this season playing with the older kids.

Maddi has decided to give softball a try this year.  She will be starting soon.  We will be at the ball field pretty much every night of the week (except Sundays) for the next two months.  The boys and Olivia will have all their games here in town,  Maddi will not.  She plays a lot in Rock Springs.  Between ball and dance iIt will be crazy busy for all of us but the kids will be having fun. I'm glad they get the opportunity to do things like this.  Hopefully I will be able to get everyone where they need to go!  One against six is not fair teams! :)

Twins... Sort Of

This week we were able to have cousins over for a few days while their mom and dad went on a mini vacation for their anniversary.  The kids seemed to have a lot of fun together - especially on the days there was no school.  We did a lot of scooter riding, bike riding, car racing, sword fighting, sidewalk drawing, and any other thing you can think of!  When they all went back to school Wednesday, the two little girls were left at home with me.  I had shopping to do so I loaded up the girls and away we went!  We started it off with a lunch date at none other than McDonalds (with an indoor playland)!  Where else would two little girls want to go for lunch?  Then we did our shopping.  When we got to Walmart I told the girls they could help me pick out clothes for their soon-to-be-born cousin, baby Emma.  Well, we got slightly sidetracked :)  These girls are shoppers let me tell you!  They somehow found clothes that were their size and got lost in trying to find skirts, leggings, shirts, dresses, whatever!  It was so fun to watch them!  I ended up letting them each pick out an outfit.  They wanted matching shirts - white with polka dots.  Then Olivia picked out a purple skirt to match the purple polka dots and Kelsey picked out a pink skirt to match the pink polka dots.  Once we got their stuff picked out we refocused and found a couple outfits for the baby too!  When we got home they had to put on their "twin" outifts.  They thought it was so fun to match.  They even switched names with each other!  Today, they insisted on wearing the same clothes again so they could match for one more day.

Aren't they the cutest little twinners ever!?  They did have matching headbands too but didn't keep them in too long!  We didn't want the boys (Kelsey's boys as she called them) to feel bad so I let Kelsey pick out hotwheels cars for her brothers.  Not quite the same but they didn't seem to mind!  New cars just made the car racing all that much more exciting!

He Always Keeps His Word

"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing. In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ to shape and guide our lives if we choose it.  We can live with perfect hope and a feeling of peace. We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved..., because we never are. We can feel the love of God. The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right, to bear us up. And He always keeps His word."  - Henry B. Eyring


I have been thinking a lot lately about life and all it's twists and turns.  I know my trials pale in comparison to others.  I know some people would love to only have to deal with the things I deal with.  At the same time, even though others may breeze through my life with no problems, they are my trials and they are hard for me.  It amazes me how different each and every ones trials are so different.  I had a roommate in college who was falling apart because her parents wouldn't allow her to have her car at college and they wouldn't send her more money for more clothes.  It seriously was a challenge for her.  I would have loved to have those problems!  The things she was challenged with would have been easy for me to bear and the things I was challenged with would have been easy for her to bear.  We were different people in need of learning different things and we had experiences in accordance to what we needed.  


One thing I have found in all my different situations that remains the same is how faith affects them.  No matter what we are being faced with, if we have faith, things will go better, we will learn more and the pain will be easier to bear.  It doesn't mean it will be easier, it just means that we will be able to feel added strength as we endure it.  I love the quote at the beginning of this blog.  We can find blessings at all points in our life, whether we are struggling or sailing through, there are blessings waiting for us if we have faith.  The gospel does shape us and guide us if we allow it to.  I know there are so many things in my life I wouldn't be able to do if it weren't for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the Spirit to teach me and guide me.  Each day I face things that I can't do alone.  Each day I recognize things that happened that were beyond my abilities.  I can be lead and guided if I turn to the Lord, have faith in Him and follow His Spirit.  My favorite part of the quote is the end.  " We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved..., because we never are. We can feel the love of God. The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right, to bear us up. And He always keeps His word."  Can you picture that?  Angels on our left and right, lifting us up?  What a beautiful thought that is!  What a wonderful knowledge to know that we are never alone.  He does send angels to help us.  He always loves us and He always keeps his word!


Right now is a real struggle for me.  My days are long and lonely.  My stress levels high and my responsibilities overwhelming.  There are days when I wake up and wonder how I will get it all done.  Each night I go to bed tired and exhausted but with the realization that I had made it through and I had accomplished all that needed to be accomplished.  It is a humbling feeling because I know that I didn't do it all with y own strength.  When I was a new missionary in Ireland, I remember how my feet used to hurt so bad.  We walked everywhere all day long and it had gotten to where my feet were in so much pain.  At nights they would be swollen and sore.  In the morning when I first stood up pain would shoot through my feet and up my legs.  It was horrible.  I remember praying and expressing my pain to my Heavenly Father, reminding Him that I was doing His work and asking Him to take the pain away. The pain, however, remained.  One night after saying my prayers and hobbling into bed the realization came to me through the spirit, no the pain had not been taken away but I had been given the strength each day to get through it.  Each day I was given the strength to get out of bed, do my missionary work and return home safely.  It was a very overwhelming realization and it has been a lesson that I have never forgotten and that I have seen replayed over and over many times in my life.  Though I struggle each day, I know that each day I am being helped beyond my capabilities.  For that, I am grateful.


I am so thankful for the help that I have in my life.  It ranges from kind acts from others to a few quiet minutes at the end of the day. No matter what it is though, I realize that it is a blessing from above and that I am not forgotten and left alone.  He has promised me this and He always keeps His word.

A Meeting With the Garbage Can

This morning the kids were outside riding bikes and scooters.  Dillon was down the street riding his bike when his chain fell off.  I guess he looked down to see what was going on and ended up running into a garbage can.  He knocked the garbage can over and cracked it with his head.

The back end of his bike popped up and he fell off hitting his head on the street.  He came in with a little head ache!  I have no ice in my house or ice packs  but we improvised.  Personally I can think of no better ice pack!

He's a tough little cookie though.  A couple tylenol, a few minutes on the couch and he is downstairs wrestling with the other boys!