What's the Point?

This week has been a struggle for me.  I have been asking lots of questions and wondering, "what's the point?"  Michael and I, as I have mentioned in earlier blogs, have been trying to find ways to improve our family situation and prepare us better for the future to take care of our family.  We have spent many, many hours searching and working and praying, hoping to find answers and ways - sooner than later.  Both of us felt that something was going to happen soon.  I guess our soon is not Heavenly Father's soon.  We are still waiting.  Tuesday morning as I got on my knees to pray, I felt like I was saying the same things again and I got really frustrated.  What's the point?  So I got up and started doing other things, but that feeling of frustration remained with me.  I also have been working extremely hard on getting in shape, losing weight and lifting weights.  My first few weeks showed success and I was excited for it to continue.  Then this last week, I gained instead of lost.  I was frustrated and wondered again, what's the point?  That added to my already existing feelings and I became overwhelmed with it.  Here we are working so hard at so many things and nothing seems to be happening.  They are all good things and we are working with good intentions and desires, yet nothing seems to be happening.  What's the point?  Why continue to try so hard?  Well, later that night, I went running with the girls.  I had already done my workout that day, lifting weights and running so I didn't plan on being able to run with them.  I planned on pushing the stroller and walking, while giving my support and encouragement to them as they ran.  However, I decided to give running a try.  To my amazement, I was able to run the entire way, pushing the stroller with two kids up and down the hills on a freshly grated (which means soft, loose dirt) road.  I was surprised that I was able to do it after the workout I had already done.  Then it sank in. This is the point!  My added strength and ability.  After lifting weights, both upper and lower body, the things I love to do - like run - are becoming easier.  My little muscles around my knees are stronger.  My legs are stronger.  My lungs are stronger.  I can do more than I used to be able to do.  My spirit began to be lifted.  I applied that to my other area of frustration and I began to feel even better. What's the point?  To continue on even when the results aren't noticeable.  To put faith in our Heavenly Father.  To show Him that we will continue even when it is hard.  He knows our needs.  He knows our desires.  He knows our efforts.  He will bless when the time is right.  In the meantime, we will be strengthening our little muscles, increasing our endurance and becoming stronger.  It's still hard.  It's still frustrating at times and it still requires a lot of work and energy, but now I see the point and that helps me get through the next workout, spiritually and physically.

Treasures

This morning as I was walking Zeke to his school, he reached up and grabbed my hand.  It's something he does almost all the time no matter where we are walking to.  I absolutely love it.  Olivia won't hold my hand anymore - she's too independent.   Dillon will, Zane won't, the girls will off and on.  As I was going into the school today, I looked around at all the other kids.  Someday, I thought, Zeke will be like these kids.  He'll be too "big" to hold my hand, especially when other kids are around. These little everyday treasures will be gone and we'll have moved on to another stage of life.  It makes me a little sad at the thought, but it also makes me stop and enjoy the everyday things a little more because they will one day be gone.  So I hold on a little tighter while he wants me to so that I will be able to let go when he needs me to.

A Runner is Born

In October, the girls and I are going to run a 5k together.  I told them if we are going to do it we need to start running in the evenings.  Last night was our first run together.  Michael was gone so we ALL had to go.  Zane and Dillon rode their bikes and Zeke and Olivia rode in the stroller.  Off we went.  Now Maddi is our athletic child.  She loves all sports and wants to play all sports.  Makenna is our cheerleader, dancer, prissy kind of girl.  I expected Maddi to take off and leave us in the dust so I had a little talk with them before we left.  I didn't want Makenna to be upset if Maddi beat her.  I told them to find their pace and not worry about anyone else.  Just go the speed you want to go.  Makenna asked if she could jog.  I told her yes and off we went.  Well, it started out like I thought it would.  Maddi was in the lead and I was behind with Makenna.  Then all of the sudden, Makenna found her groove and she was gone.  Maddi gets really bad side aches when she runs very far (I think she will be a sprinter) but she usually ignores them and keeps running.  Makenna usually gets tired and wants to be done three minutes into it.  Not last night though!  She took off and left the rest of us in the dust.  She ran the entire way (just over a mile) without stopping or slowing down.  And she loved it!  We, of course, made a huge deal of it because that's what Makenna needs.  Even Maddi told her she did good.  Makenna was on cloud nine and quite proud of herself.  I was proud of her too and quite amazed.  A runner is born!  I love it because I love to run too.  I look forward to many races with her.  Little Zeke got out of the stroller halfway through and ran too.  He went about a half mile.  Not bad for short little 4 year old legs!  They are excited to go out and do it again.  Tonight I may have to be pushed in the stroller though - it was boot camp day today :)  Anyways, keep your ears open in the future - you might just hear Makenna's name!  She's going to be a rock star one day in what ever it is she chooses to do!

Curve Balls

Sometimes, life throws you a curve ball.  You may think you know exactly what you need and want.  You may devote tons of time and effort going after this need or want, seeking, searching, praying, calling, writing, figuring.  Then one day you may wake up and wonder if you really know what you're doing.  Are you really going in the right direction?  Is what you're seeking after really what you need and want?  Is there another way to look at things or achieve your goals?  If there is, what is it and how do you accomplish it?  Then the seeking, searching, praying,calling, writing, figuring has to start all over again.  That's where I am at right now.  Life is good, but somewhere, out of nowhere, life threw a curve ball that leaves me scratching my head and wondering...

A Fun Day Out

Friday was a fun day for us.  The 4 older kids had school.  Zeke, Olivia and I went to the gym.  They played while I exercised, then we went swimming.  They love to swim.  We were the only ones in there so they had the pool to themselves.  After swimming, they chose to go to McDonalds to eat.  We found a nice little booth for three and ate lunch.  AFter lunch we had to do the shopping.  We started at Sam's Club, my kids love Sam's Club.  I got one of those big flat carts and Zeke and Olivia rode around on that showing me which sample stations to stop at and which ones to skip.  Then we headed to Walmart, my kids hate Walmart.  That wasn't as much fun, but we survived!  They fell asleep on the way home and napped that last hour until the big kids came home from school.  Then we all loaded up and went to some friends' house for supper.  We had pizza, chips, salad, lemonade,  brownies and ice cream - everything kids love.  They have 7 kids so they all had a blast playing together.  It was a really fun evening.  Sometimes it's just nice to  be out of the house doing whatever.  Friday was one of those days.  Luckily we had lots of things to do so we could spend the day out!

Little Voices

I love little voices.  No, not the ones in my head, my children's voices.  At least I love them when they are not yelling and fighting.  I love their little giggles and quiet conversations.  I especially love listening to them sing.  Olivia has been on a singing kick lately.  She sings about everything.  Last night she was singing a song about Jesus and God.  This morning she was singing about her black pants that broke and we had to throw them away, not in the laundry room but in the garbage.  She also sings songs she learns at church and ones she learns from the radio or the older kids.  When Zeke and the others are around they usually join in with her.  Their voices are so pure and even when they are off key it still sounds beautiful.  All my kids love to sing and I love listening to them.  There is nothing so sweet as the sound of little voices.

Boot Camp

After several recommendations from a friend at the gym, I decided to try the boot camp class today.  One of the trainers does it.  It's a 45 minute class.  I thought, "I can do 45 minutes, even if it's hard."  HAHA!!  Hard is an understatement!  There were several times when I thought my legs were going to completely give way and I would fall to the floor in a sweaty, pathetic heap.  I felt good, in a very painful, exhausting kind of way.  A way that I couldn't handle for longer than 45 minutes once a week.  A way in which I will have to mentally prepare days in advance in order to go again next week.  After the class, as I was limping pitifully across the room to put my weights and mat away, the instructor asked me how it was.  "HARD!" I said.  Her reply was, "Good!"  Then I asked her how a class like this would work into the weight training schedule I was trying to keep.  My thought was how could you lift weights after you exercised like that went totally numb from the neck down.  She said that was considered cardio!  What!?  Cardio!?  Lunges, squats, jumping squats, side squats, planks, pushups on the bosu ball, wall sits with shoulder presses and many, many more painful moves one right after the other with no rest in between?  Yes, cardio.  So I should still do my weight regimen even when taking the class.  Luckily, I had done my weights before the class so I could just slowly limp home today.  Now this instructor/trainer is a competitor for women's body building.  She is ripped!  I have never seen abs like hers.  They are amazing!  I covet her abs, not her shoulders or legs, just her abs.  She's very nice and very helpful and she proceeded to give  me tips on how to better use my time and energy and how best to go about this process I am in.  I'm glad I went to the class today.  I do think "Boot Camp" is an understatement.  I think "Torture Camp" would be a better name, but I will go back next week and get tortured again.  This time I will do it on the back row though, and I will wear a different shirt so that it doesn't keep sliding up my back while I do the floor exercises.  It's hard enough to do the workout, no one needs to see my "abs" right now and add to the pain :)

Righteous Desires

The scriptures teach us that we will be granted the righteous desires of our hearts.  The prayers of the righteous will be heard and answered.  Right now, Michael and I are at a point in our lives where there are many things that we are looking for and desiring to improve our family and our lives.  Much time has been spent in prayer, fasting, searching, pondering, and talking among other things.  The desires we have are righteous.  Our voices are lifted up to our God in Heaven with faith and hope that these righteous desires will be granted.  Of course, we have in our own little minds what we think would be the solution to all of this.  These solutions are also sent up in prayer.  Part of a desire being righteous though, is it being in accordance to what God knows is best for us.  So while we plan and search and pray, we have to keep in mind that we need our hearts and minds in tune with God's.  He knows us.  He knows our needs and wants.  He knows our family.  He knows what we want for our family and our future.  He knows what is best for us.  We will continue to search, pray, talk, ponder and plan, that's part of our responsibility.  But we will also have to continue to have patience.  Our prayers and righteous desires will be granted, but in the Lord's way and time, not ours.

Tuff

Yesterday the boys went with Michael to meet Tuff Hedeman.  One of the western stores here was having their 100 year anniversary and he was there signing autographs.  The ranch had taken one of their wagons there for the celebration so they stayed to meet Tuff.  For those of you who don't know, he is a famous bull rider.  He rode (tried to ride) Bodacious the bull who was eventually retired because he was too mean.  Tuff had his face knocked in from Bodacious.  6 weeks later at the NFR, Tuff drew Bodacious again.  He chose not to ride.  The announcer said that was the smartest thing he had ever seen and the crowd stood and cheered for Tuff.  The owners decided to retire him after he seriously injured another rider.  They were afraid he would eventually kill some one.  He was also the first bull rider to earn $1,000,000.  Anyways, the boys met him and now all have big dreams of riding bulls!  We'll see...

Zane and Zeke also learned how to crack a whip.  Zane actually made it crack.  Dillon didn't want to learn, he was busy shopping trying to find something to spend his birthday money on!  They all had a great time.

Happy Birthday Dillon!

Yesterday Dillon turned 6!  He was so excited for his birthday to get here.  We let him open his presents before he went to school.  He kind of had a Vikings theme this year.  He loves the Vikings.  We blew up purple, yellow and white balloons.  He got a Vikings jersey, Vikings pajama pants, Vikings socks, a Vikings teddy bear and a Vikings ink pen.  He also had a Vikings cake.  He loved every minute of it.  Maddi and Makenna wore Vikings shirts in honor of his birthday.  Olivia wore a purple princess shirt.  Zeke couldn't find and yellow or purple clothes so he just wore yellow socks.  Zane does not like the Vikings so he wore his Green Bay Packers Jersey.  He also made Dillon a birthday card, football themed, in which the score was Packers 100 - Vikings 0!  We are so blessed to have Dillon in our family.  His smile lights up the whole room and he has the best giggle in the whole world!  I love his hugs and kisses.  He is so kind and thoughtful and always tries his best to do what he should.  It was so fun to get to celebrate his special day with him!