Thursday, February 27, 2014

A Little Sentimental

This week my feelings have been a little tender.  The week started out with my grandpa's birthday.  I posted about that already.  During the week I seemed to keep coming across pictures of him and my kids.  Some I posted on Facebook.  Each picture brought back so many memories.  The smells, the sounds, the sights, my mind has just been flooded with them this week.  It has been fun thinking back on so many good times.  It has also been sad of course. 

Today was another moment.  When I was pregnant with Zane my Granny Branch died.  It was really hard for me. I hadn't seen her for a few years.  I always planned on going out to see her (she lived in Tennessee and I lived in Idaho) but it just never happened.  I wanted her to meet my kids.  She saw pictures and always talked about how cute they were and how she wanted to see them but money was tight, I was pregnant and it didn't ever come together.  Then she was gone.  At the same time Michael's Grandma Hyde passed away.  Her funeral was going to be there in Idaho and all his family came.  Michael told me I could go to my granny's funeral if I wanted to but I didn't think it was the right thing for me to do so I stayed.  It was hard but I was thankful to be surrounded by his family. 

After her funeral everyone came to our house to go through a treasure box that his grandma had saved for the kids and grandkids.  It was fun to listen to the memories they shared, but it also added to some of the loneliness and sadness I was feeling.  Later that day Michael's sister had a ring that she had picked out that belonged to Michael's grandma.  For some reason she decided she didn't want it and wanted to know if I did.  I said yes and I wore it every day from then on.  It connected me.  It connected me to them but it also (in some way in my mind) connected me to what I missed out with my own Granny's funeral.  I guess the fact that it all happened at the same time on the same day my mind made that connection.  Even though it belonged to his grandma and it reminds me of her, it also reminds me of my grandma. 

When I got pregnant with Olivia my fingers got swollen and fat from the weight I gained so I had to take the ring off.  I was sad and hoped that as soon as the pregnancy was over I could wear it again.  Well, unfortunately that didn't happen.  Since that pregnancy my body has been struggling and I have not been able to lose that weight.  Off and on I would try to put the ring on only to have to put it back away because it still didn't fit.  Well, today I finally got it on!
I wore it with pride today!  Pride from the road I had chosen to take to finally get to this point. I also wore it with gratitude.  Gratitude to Stacey for giving it to me for some reason and allowing me to have something that reminds me of two wonderful women.  I also wore it with reverence.  Reverence for the two women that it represents.  Today I felt close to them and they were both very much in the forefront of my mind.  In between band lessons and music classes I was able to remember them and have them in my heart adding to the emotions I was already feeling. 
I am thankful for these earthly reminders that I have of such wonderful people.  I am thankful for the memories I have of them and for the choices that they made.  Their choices have affected how my life is in so many ways.  I am also thankful for the knowledge I have of life eternal.  I am so thankful to know that these loved ones are not gone from me forever.  I will see them again and be with them again.  One of the greatest pieces of knowledge that I have is that families can be together forever.  That knowledge brings me comfort and hope when I am sad and missing them.

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