I am sitting here with one of my children watching her cry and trying to help her understand. Sometimes we just have to let things go. Life is full of changes. Some are easy. Some are not. Changes with friendships are the hardest. I know. I have gone through it too. I hesitate to write about this for many different reasons but yet this is part of life and it is part of what we are going through right now. This blog is the story of our lives - good and bad - so I will write...
Sometimes, we remember how things used to be and long for those days again. We hold on to the fun memories and want to relive them day after day. We have friends that we loved and still love but time has changed the situation and the level of friendship doesn't stay the same. Kids grow up, people move away (usually us :) ), schools change and friendships don't keep up with it all. In your heart, though, it is still there and always will be.
It is hard to communicate sometimes from the mind to the heart. The mind can see the changing times. It can understand that both people are changing. The heart, however, has a harder time. Our heart wants things to stay the same. I deal with the same thing. I try to rationally explain to my heart why things are the way they are but my heart can't understand. It is hard to let go.
I tried to point out the things that have come to help replace what is changing - new friends, new opportunities, new experiences. It is still hard though. For her, the process has already taken place. She has made new friends, not to replace the old ones but to add to them. She has had new opportunities and new experiences, all adding to what she already had. The hard part is trying to say out loud that things have changed. She is sad and it is hard to watch. My heart aches for her and for my friendships that have changed over the years. The hardest thing I think, is when you know your "best" friend is spending time with some one else and that you are doing the same. That's when the reality of it all sets in. I think that's what happened today.
I wish I could fix it, but I can't. I wish I could stop things from changing, but I can't. It's no one's fault. No one is to blame. It's just part of life. I have many friendships that I still hold dear, but that are no longer what they once were. My best friend in second grade was Jamie. Her birthday was just a few days from mine. My best friend in 4th grade was Amber. She lived across the street from me. My best friend in 5th grade was Tishena. She had red hair like me. My best friend in 6th grade was Jessica. She lived a block away. My best friend in 9th grade was Melyssa. She was crazy and funny! My best, longest friend is Sara. We astayed in contact over many years and miles. My best friends in early motherhood were Katie and Monica. They helped me through those early years. My best friend in Minnesota is Pam. My days is brighter every time I see her. My best elderly friends were Esther and Myrtle. I loved delivering the newspaper to Myrtle and being able to visit with her in her. There are others too and they all hold a special place in my heart. After 8th grade I moved from Brookings, SD to Lewisburg, TN. In Brookings we lived next door to Esther. She was elderly and over the last four years I had spent many afternoons at her house. We would visit. I would help her do things she couldn't do or reach things she couldn't reach. Sometimes she would have a treat for me. Sometimes my mom would have me take a meal to her. I loved her. When we drove off with our moving van she was out in the driveway waving. I cried. I knew I was going to miss her. I never saw her again but she has always been a special person in my life.
I know these friendships came into my life for a reason. I know they all blessed my life in ways that no one else could. I know I am a different person because of those friendships. I know it hurt each time it faded just like it is hurting her right now. I can't change that. I can't stop it from happening again. All I can do is love her while she learns to let go and accept the change.