Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Lack of Sleep
Last night I did not sleep well. I went to bed with my mind running a million different directions and woke up at 3am doing the same. I'm not sure what all was going on. I wasn't really focusing on one thing in particular. I didn't necessarily feel stressed or upset about anything - just had a lot on my mind. Most of it has to do with this whole job/moving situation we are in right now. I hate moving. We moved so much growing up. I hated having to go to a new place and make new friends. I was very shy and unsure and it was like torture. I am still that way. When we moved her just over a year ago I was hoping that it would be our last. We have moved a lot since being married and I was tired of it, I didn't want my kids to go through the same stress that I did and I didn't want to go through the stress of it anymore either. Then we bought a house 6 months ago and I thought that was something that would ground us here. Then, before Christmas, things at work started changing for Michael. What has resulted is him being gone for two weeks and home for one. It has been really hard. On all of us. He by chance found a job opening at a college in South Dakota and applied for it. Not really thinking much about it we continued on. Then he got a call from them. Today he is there interviewing for the position. We were excited about the prospects of moving back to South Dakota. We love it there. However, before interviews started yesterday evening he was warned by several to be careful of the job and that there were things going on that weren't on the up and up. Kind of put a damper on the whole precess. During all this time we also had a friend of ours approach us about the possibility of working for them. A thought that also excited us. We love this family and they would be excellent people to work for and it would put us back in a place that we love. The kids were super excited about this opportunity. That is still in the works with possibilities, but nothing concrete yet. Then my thoughts turned to leaving here. We have a house that we purchased only 6 months ago. It needs some work before it is ready to go on the market. That thought is overwhelming. The kids have opportunities here with the schools that they don't have elsewhere. Makenna has a dear friend here. They are inseparable. It breaks my heart to think of how hard it will be for her to leave. I love (for the most part) being able to be near family. It has been so nice for the kids to get to know their extended family and I have loved having my sister-in-law here. I would miss that terribly. But I miss Michael terribly and he is very unhappy here. His happiness also counts for something. I believe it is very important. Anyways, all these thoughts were running through my head as I lay there in bed. Overwhelming at times, sad at times, confusing, frustrating, yet at the same time peaceful. While I get worked up and don't handle these things well, I also know that Heavenly Father will take care of us. He knows what our hearts desire. He knows the importance of Michael being able to be a part of our everyday family life. He will take care of us. He will provide. I don't know exactly when and how, but I know that He will. I will keep doing what I am doing and provide the best environment for my family while Michael is away. It's all I can do. At some point, He will bring Michael home to us. For that underlying peace I am grateful.