Friday, September 17, 2010
What's the Point?
This week has been a struggle for me. I have been asking lots of questions and wondering, "what's the point?" Michael and I, as I have mentioned in earlier blogs, have been trying to find ways to improve our family situation and prepare us better for the future to take care of our family. We have spent many, many hours searching and working and praying, hoping to find answers and ways - sooner than later. Both of us felt that something was going to happen soon. I guess our soon is not Heavenly Father's soon. We are still waiting. Tuesday morning as I got on my knees to pray, I felt like I was saying the same things again and I got really frustrated. What's the point? So I got up and started doing other things, but that feeling of frustration remained with me. I also have been working extremely hard on getting in shape, losing weight and lifting weights. My first few weeks showed success and I was excited for it to continue. Then this last week, I gained instead of lost. I was frustrated and wondered again, what's the point? That added to my already existing feelings and I became overwhelmed with it. Here we are working so hard at so many things and nothing seems to be happening. They are all good things and we are working with good intentions and desires, yet nothing seems to be happening. What's the point? Why continue to try so hard? Well, later that night, I went running with the girls. I had already done my workout that day, lifting weights and running so I didn't plan on being able to run with them. I planned on pushing the stroller and walking, while giving my support and encouragement to them as they ran. However, I decided to give running a try. To my amazement, I was able to run the entire way, pushing the stroller with two kids up and down the hills on a freshly grated (which means soft, loose dirt) road. I was surprised that I was able to do it after the workout I had already done. Then it sank in. This is the point! My added strength and ability. After lifting weights, both upper and lower body, the things I love to do - like run - are becoming easier. My little muscles around my knees are stronger. My legs are stronger. My lungs are stronger. I can do more than I used to be able to do. My spirit began to be lifted. I applied that to my other area of frustration and I began to feel even better. What's the point? To continue on even when the results aren't noticeable. To put faith in our Heavenly Father. To show Him that we will continue even when it is hard. He knows our needs. He knows our desires. He knows our efforts. He will bless when the time is right. In the meantime, we will be strengthening our little muscles, increasing our endurance and becoming stronger. It's still hard. It's still frustrating at times and it still requires a lot of work and energy, but now I see the point and that helps me get through the next workout, spiritually and physically.