Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Sometimes I struggle with making decisions. I guess, at times, I lack confidence in myself in either knowing what is best or knowing if it is something that I really want to do. Today I had to make one of those decisions. What the decision was is of no importance, the process though, was a long hard one. It is something I have struggled with and thought about for a long time - years. I knew what I WANTED to do, but I didn't know if it was what I SHOULD do. I didn't talk to anyone about it because I was unsure of the response I would get. It would also be an admission of something I was not able to do on my own. It showed weakness in my eyes. As a mother of 6 who is frequently reminded of her insanity and inablility, I didn't want another mark against me! I finally talked to Michael about it and to my surprise he was in support of it and had no problems with my wishes. So today I made the phone call to start the process. Now as I sit here, I question the decision I made. Is it BEST for me and my family? Is it okay to do? Am I putting focus on the wrong things right now? Deep down I know the answers to all those questions and I know the decision I made will be good. I hope and pray that I can have the confidence I need to follow through and the ability to do what I need to in order to make it all work. I have to draw on the promptings I have felt from the Spirit and remember them when I start to question.