Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Decisions

Sometimes I struggle with making decisions.  I guess, at times, I lack confidence in myself in either knowing what is best or knowing if it is something that I really want to do.  Today I had to make one of those decisions.  What the decision was is of no importance, the process though, was a long hard one.  It is something I have struggled with and thought about for a long time - years.  I knew what I WANTED to do, but I didn't know if it was what I SHOULD do.  I didn't talk to anyone about it because I was unsure of the response I would get.  It would also be an admission of something I was not able to do on my own.  It showed weakness in my eyes.  As a mother of 6 who is frequently reminded of her insanity and inablility, I didn't want another mark against me!  I finally talked to Michael about it and to my surprise he was in support of it and had no problems with my wishes.  So today I made the phone call to start the process.  Now as I sit here, I question the decision I made.  Is it BEST for me and my family?  Is it okay to do?  Am I putting focus on the wrong things right now?  Deep down I know the answers to all those questions and I know the decision I made will be good.  I hope and pray that I can have the confidence I need to follow through and the ability to do what I need to in order to make it all work.  I have to draw on the promptings I have felt from the Spirit and remember them when I start to question.

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