Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Questioning

Do you ever have those days where you question life and all it's ups and downs?  Today was one of those days.  What happened?  I don't know for sure.  Is it better now?  I don't know that either!  Sometimes I get going through life thinking everything is all sweet smelling and full of daisies and then I get a face full of fresh fertilizer (if you know what I mean) and I am left standing there wondering what just happened and what do I do now!  It was just one of those days where the mommy needed chocolate and the kids needed to be able to run fast enough to get away from the chocolate deprived mommy :)  Then after a few hours the dust settles, emotions are back in check, and everyone is getting along full of hugs and kindness.  But it leaves me wondering, what happened?  Why did it happen?  What could I have done to prevent it or at least slow it down?  Unfortunately for me (and for my kids) I don't know.  I do, however, grasp and cling to the comforting quote that "children will be given strengths for their parents weaknesses."  I do hope that is true.  And if it is true, my children will have ALOT of strengths!  I also cling to the promises made to parents that if we do our very best, all will be okay in the end.  Some days my very best is great, other days, well, not so much.  Still, despite all the hope and comfort there is out there, I still end the day completely exhausted, emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.  I love my children but somedays they just wear me out!  There's tattling, arguing, crying, tattling, whining, ignoring, tattling, and tattling.  Shoes get stuck in the mud, front teeth get knocked out, little boys jump off the top bunk of the bed thinking that the blanket stretched out across the two bunkbeds will hold him up, a little pink princess wants kool-aid instead of a nap and no one knows who drew on the car with a stick. The summer is especially hard because all six are home and Michael is extremely busy.  He does as much as he can, but the majority of the time it is me without him.  Most days that is just fine, but some days...like today...I would like to find a hole filled with Cadbury's Dairy Milk Chocolate (just the straight stuff, no nuts or raisins or caramel) and crawl in and not come out until the storm passes.  These are the times where I become very grateful for the knowledge that I have.  I have said many times that if I did not know that this is for eternity, I would walk away and quit trying.  If I didn't know that my family has the ability to REALLY be together forever, some days it wouldn't be worth trying to teach them and help them grow.  That knowledge helps to lift me up.  Also, the knowledge that I can repent from the mistakes I have made throughout the day gives me hope for a better tomorrow.  I know it's not just my children that add to the frustrations of the day, it is also my own mistakes and weaknesses.  The fact that I can repent and start the next day fresh with my children is an amazing feeling after a day like today.  It not only helps me feel better about me, but it helps me with my children.  If my Heavenly Father can forgive me for my bad day and allow me to start over new shouldn't I do the same for my children?  Of course!  So as I plead for forgiveness for my mistakes, I also plead for the ability for me to forgive them of their mistakes.  And I continue to search for answers to someday know what happened, why it happened, and what could I have done to help prevent it or slow it down.
knocked out front tooth
Pretty pink princess trying to get out of a nap
Muddy shoes after a 4 year olds effort to clean them.
My 6 beautiful children who cause my heart to overflow with love, joy and gratitude no matter what the day.

1 comment:

Spencer and Kimberly said...

Wow, I totally had a day like that today. Thanks for the thoughts on it!