Sunday, June 27, 2010
Patience is a virtue, but it is not one that I seem to possess right now. I have to give a lesson in church today on patience and I feel so unworthy and unprepared. My lesson is prepared, but I am not. I guess it's good that we are not expected to be perfect in the things that we teach! Preparing for this lesson this week and having it constantly in the back of my mind and having the week that I had, has certainly made me aware of the fact that I am lacking. I have felt guilt, sorrow and embarrasment over my lack of ability, even to the point of being extremely mad at myself. One of the statements in this lesson when referring to patience and faith is that "Often deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can't see the Lord's hand in our lives until long after the trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding and happiness." Well, looking back over this week, I still don't understand all the happenings. The "why's" and "how's" and "what the heck's?", and I think that I couldn't necessarily see the Lord's hand in things because He wanted nothing to do with how I was handling life over the past few days! Seriously though, it has opened my eyes to one of my many weaknesses. When I was called as a missionary to Ireland, I received a blessing before I left. In that blessing, I was told that nothing would out weigh the joy, sorrow, hardships and pain I felt on my mission except motherhood. I laughed inside because at the time I didn't know what all motherhood entailed. I no longer laugh at that statement. It is so true. Motherhood is so involved and intense. Every emotion in my body is wrapped up in it with such intensity that sometimes I don't even know the depth of it. I guess that's why, when my patience is gone, my emotions are so readily available to take over. And that's why, at the end of a long day or week, I am completely drained of all energy and abilities it seems. My lesson goes on to say that "Patience is a godly attribute that can heal souls, unlock treasures of knowledge and understanding, and transform ordinary men and women into saints and angels." That is so true,even in the simplest forms of patience. My child spills the milk, I can react one of two ways. If I get upset at his accident, pain is inflicted in his heart because mommy got mad at him. If I react with love and patience, he knows he is okay and his eyes light up with the love that I offer. His soul is healed. If I am patient and teach my children about their actions or be patient with them as they ask questions and try to learn I am unlocking teasures of knowledge for them. It's all so simple, yet so important and so eternal. May I begin to practice more patience with my family, myself, my life situations and with all those around me. If I do, I know I will find more peace and happiness in this life and my heart will be filled with the Spirit of God and as stated in my lesson, "Many around us will see it, and they will trust in the Lord."