Thursday, September 17, 2009

It Just Not The Same

Things don't go right when you're not here. It's just not the same. Would you consider coming back? So goes the plea. Yes, Michael's old boss wants him back. Third times a charm, right? I don't think so! I'm not sure what she's thinking, but I know what I am thinking! If she would've kept her word to begin with we would still be there. We wouldn't have had to pick up our kids in the middle of a school year and move them to a new place. We wouldn't have had to spent he last 8 months adjusting and missing our friends and community in Hendricks. We wouldn't have had to go through all the emotional turmoil that went with her not keeping her word. And now she's back, with more promises. How many chances does a person get? Does some one like her ever learn? I, of course, would give anything to be back in Hendricks. Michael, too, misses life there. The kids most definitely do. For me, the job isn't much different as far as the hours Michael has to work. The house here is better and being close to shopping is nice. Those are things, except maybe the house, I would be willing to give up. Michael on the other hand, has more at stake. His happiness and sanity foremost. I am trying to stay out of it because i don't want him to give up his happiness because he thinks I will be happier. I'm not unhappy. It's fine here. There are some definite perks. What I want is a place that I know I will be staying and raising my children. A place where they will be safe and happy and where they will be able to experience good things in life - good friends, neighbors, community. A place where they will learn to work and have the space to play. I'm not sure that place is here. I'm not sure it's there either. I want to be done moving and adjusting. Life is hard enough as it is. No need to throw in moving and the challenges that come with that.

So what am I getting at here? I don't know. I don't necessarily want to stay but I don't necessarily want to go - at least not back to the farm. I will say though, that every time I head down that road that leads to the farm and Hendricks, I get that funny, excited feeling in my stomach. That feeling that says, "I'm almost home!" I would get it when we would drive into my grandparents driveway in Nashville. I get in when we turn down the gravel road to Michael's parents house (my parents move too much to offer any familiarity as we drive to their house, we're too busy looking at the GPS for directions!) and I get it there at the farm. Despite all that has happened there and all the frustrations and heartaches that have come, it is home. It is a place that will always have a special place in my heart. We may never get there again, to stay for good, but it is a place I will always call home. I moved constantly growing up and people always ask me where I am from. I always say no where and everywhere. Hendricks is now a place that I gladly say I am from. My children say the same thing. They proudly wear their Rebel clothes (the school mascot) and tell everyone about Lincoln HI Elementary.

Anyways, this has turned into a huge eulogy. Didn't mean for that to happen. As you can tell there are a lot of emotions still tied up in Lorie, the farm and Hendricks. We'll see how the conversation goes between her and Michael. As for me, I won't start packing, but I will try my best to listen in!


Katie said...

I can't believe she has the nerve to even think of trying to get Michael back. I can completely understand your dilema. There is no way I would want Curtis to go back to his old job and all the things that went with it, but other than that, I would move back in a heartbeat, probably, maybe, yup. Good luck. Let me know how it goes. I don't have your # anymore. Give me a call sometime.

Spencer and Kimberly said...

I hate having to make decisions, especially hard ones like that. I hope you guys can find where you're suppose to be and stay!

Melissa said...

That would be an extremely hard choice! I mean, she's already been dishonest with you! I was thinking today about all the places we've called "home" and having to leave here in a couple of months. I'm really sad! But I've realized that we can make anywhere home, and I hope that if you do decide to stay there, that you'll be able to fully put down roots and really begin to love it! And if you go back, good luck with the boss lady! Maybe she's learned her lesson. Or not...Look forward to hearing what you two decide!

Joyce Anne said...

Shut-Up....I can't believe her. Wait..You are suppose to move closer next time not farther away. I do know how much a part of the community you were in Hendricks and your friends there are fabulous. That's really tough.

I love that you think of our place as one of your homes and part of your lives. I will talk to you later.