Monday, February 2, 2009
Blessings through duty
Before I start I want all who read this to understand that I love being a mother more than anything in the world. That being sadi, being a mother is also one of the hardest things in the world. With motherhood comes responsibilties that you can't just walk away from. Sometimes things come up in life and because you are a mother, you have to let the opportunities pass by. Just recently (like 2 days ago), I found out that my grandpa's cancer has spread through his body and it's not looking like he will have much longer to live. He will be turning 90 years old this month and he is all right with the thought of leaving this earth. He has lived a good, long life and has fulfilled his responsibilities. Now this grandpa is very important to me. Through all the changes that have happened in my life, he was one of the constants. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I moved a lot growing up and no matter where we were or how old I was, he and my granny always came to visit. It was something we counted on almost every summer. He was one of the males in my life that had a huge impact. I was always shy and felt out of place. My grandpa always made me feel loved and accepted, no matter what I looked like, how good I was at sports, how popular I was or anything else. Anyways, Saturday I found out the news and also found out that my siblings and parents were going to all try to meet in Nashville one last time and visit him. Unfortunately, we just moved (which is actually a good thing, just bad timing) and Michael just started a new job (another good thing). Because of that, we don't have time off, extra money or babysitters for the kids. My heart sinks at the thought of not being able to do this. I would give anything to see him one more time, especially while he still has a little energy. Being a mother makes it a little harder to pull off a trip like this. I have to worry about my children and their well being. They have been through a lot of change lately that has been hard for them and I feel that I need to be with them and not elsewhere. As I was going through all this in my mind this morning, still trying to figure out how to make it work, I had a small voice come to my mind that told me to stay home and I would be blessed. I know that is just what I need to do. I still want to go and be a part of my family next weekend, but I know I need to be here. I have responsibility to my own family first, everything else comes second. I hope my grandpa knows how much I love him and my thoughts will definitely be in Nashville as I stay home to fulfill my duties.